I hear if you drink enough Goldschlager, you can fart gold glitter in real life. Can you confirm?

Don't skip dick day, bro.

The egg white acts as an emulsifier, keeping the sugar and lemon evenly mixed among the whiskey from top to bottom, while also adding a nice, frothy texture to the drink.

In other news, the GOP's theory that Jesus was a Republican remains ironclad.

"Drank the Kool-Aid":Jonestown::"Took the Benadryl":Cosbytown

It can be two things.

I think HBO can solve this problem by throwing lots and lots of money at it.

I lost all respect for him during the Ray Rice fiasco. Seemed as if he did zero actual reporting on it and just printed whatever the NFL front office told him. Apologies for linking to Gawker (whom I generally don't like, either) but I think this piece is pretty spot on:

Fuck Peter King. He's an NFL stooge.

Where was Alfred Moorcock when awkward teenage Dr. Acula needed to hear this?

Finite Seriousness

I'm usually cynical about advertising, but let's not pretend like the AV Club isn't the perfect place to sell gay erotic Kirk Cameron novellas.

Depends. Does T-Swizzle get to use fatalities?

1.21 gigawatts! Marty, I'm sorry but the only power source capable of generating 1.21 gigawatts of electricity is David Crosby on a 9-day crack binge.

He's alright in my book. What's so bad about wanting the bunny to be put back in the box?

My best friend's younger sister. Only it turns out I didn't really have feelings for her; I convinced myself I did because she liked me and I was lonely and depressed and my life was generally all kinds of fucked up.

Ace!

Nice Harris' Phone / Foam Corner reference

NASCAR racetracks have a well-known liberal bias.

Pavarati, comin' outta their asses!