License to Kill.  Turbo Mode.  Pistols.  Complex.

Your dick cannot love and be wise.

So the correct answer is: hastens suicide.

It wooshes, bro.

So Showtime instead of HBO then?

@avclub-751aba6c2e6c52a659661171026ceef3:disqus Jack Kevorkian is dead, so you'll have to do it yourself.

She lived her life like a candle in the wind, bro.  A candle in the wind.

….because she is black in real life, and it's hard to play against type like that.

One big Load of bullshit if ya ask me.

Helen Keller

My Russian friends got me started drinking Russian Standard.  It's good, and cheap!

Wait, you mean you forgot to stuff the baby before you deep fried it?  Goddamnit.  We'll make a bacon-alfredo sauce instead.

According to Paula Deen's Diary, you deep fry the baby in clarified butter first.

Yeah, I drive by the Budweiser plant in Houston every morning.  Yeesh.

This is the "I'm so hungover…" thread, because I'm still so fucking hungover.

I HAVE to ask…Are you ACTUALLY a dildo shaped like Louie Anderson? 

The Cum Dumpsters, obviously.

At what point will the cultural backlash against gritty reboots begin?  I mean, outside the AV Club…

Especially if Kate Upton was hanging out in body paint at this hypothetical speakeasy.

Ay, dios mio!  El mundo en mi cabeza!