I think I need Glenn Beck to bring a chalk board and explain this all to me.

Which demons do you lord over? Obviously not Alex Jones. Are you responsible for Ann Coulter? Because you've got a lot of crap to answer for and you don't seem up to the job.. If you're going to leave your shit all over the sidewalk like that is it too much to ask that you carry some baggies with you? Some of us like…

It tastes just like a bloody mary.

Jack Handy?

Bea Arthur's dick went into Rob Schneider's mouth and I've heard it on good authority that Bea Arthur's dick is of use to someone. Maybe not me. Maybe not you. But who knows what good Bea Arthur's dick can do?

Ruh roh! If you want Scooby Doo to be able to figure out that it was old man Johnson that was scaring away all the kids so he could build his new coal mine on the old abandoned amusement park then you're going to have a ton of clues.

I got a movie that's better than that
It has the smoke in its eyes
It's coming up, going right through my heart
It's gonna give me surprise

I like 3 too so most people should just ignore me because obviously I'm broken.

By the time that you all are done replacing everything that M. Night Shyamalan does in a movie to make it a better movie there won't be any M. Night Shyamalan at all.

He was named after the owl. Because of course.

It's the Planet of the Apes strategy. He looks okay for an ancient orangutan.

To be fair, there were stairs involved. Trump has always been at war with stairs.

Yes, she is a feisty one.

Oh I believe it would schtick and probably bite. Your mama taught me not to go in there.

All it took was a bucket of water. Who knew that melting Donald Trump would be so easy?

WRONG!

Shut up, stairs! I'm not listening! *tumbles*

Piss off the actual fans of your product while attempting to attract people who don't like your product? That's surefire!

Garlic is one of my absolute favorite things and that is one of the best uses of garlic. Sure you can enhance a chicken soup with garlic (adding vitamin C to that cold fighting soup) or you could sprinkle chopped garlic over your pizza (do I have to explain why?) but just simple toasted bread and roasted garlic will…

Did I mention that you can simply eat roasted garlic? One of the best ways is to just spread it on bread like it's butter. Lay it on thick.