I was behind a couple of techbros waiting to check in at a hotel in Vegas. OMG, insufferable douches talking about how laid they were going to get.

"Jesus was the case that they gave me" should be the lyrics to the theme of that Christ movie.

Armie Hammer, the dumbest stage name ever, makes me less optimistic about everything he's in.

Murder is basically chips. You murder, feel guilty, but it tastes good, so you do it again…and again.
—Dennis.

Download Via Router?

Wrong, Jessica, so wrong.

No one is Salma-Hayek hot. Not one.

Yeah, I watched the first 15 minutes and shut it off. It's bad.

But Jessica Alba is worth the price of admission.

That time I tried to boycott sex…yeah, never happened.

My point is I can suffer normal douchebags.

I don't drink mostly to keep the wife happy (also negating the hottie thing), and I dislike cold weather…but health care sounds nice.

I find it best not to think too much at times like these 😜

Fuckin Marvin, amirite?

Sounds better than the Alt-Right douchebags here. Oh, and the Packers fans.

Canadians are pretty great. Like, I'd move there.

I'm getting an anti-canadian vibe. Not cool, ya hoser.

You should get professional help or turn yourself into the police if you've acted on your sick fantasies.

Donald Trump keeps his secrets.

I would like to take this opportunity to whisper the word Medellín. Be afraid, y'all, be VERY afraid.