Yeah , your phone , right .
It's okay , I'll be there too . Giggling and throwing popcorn at moms who are getting too excited in public . I'm saving them from themselves !

This sounds like the synopsis for an early aughts jrpg . By which I mean I will have to go see it . Is it so much to ask for a movie that's 20% as batshit insane as the Xenosaga series ?

I was that awful , mouthy kind of atheist when I was younger though . Had I been raised in the Catholic church I would have insisted upon excommunication . It's the religious equivalent of dropping the mic and walking off stage .

So that's the definition of pan sexual ! I was worried it involved a goat .

And yet people doubt the existence of Big Foot , that helpful supplier of soggy Hustler's .

My condolences . I'll send you a care package after I throw back some of this free birth control and try to find a zoo animal to sex up . Thanks Obama !

But then where will we find our national fix of soul crushing , hilariously awful news stories ? We can only ask so much of Alabama , damn it !

HAHAHA , we also steal the souls of your children with video games and twitters !

Wait , like in the " I won't eat in front of this dude I like" way or she's a robot ? The more I learn about this pile the more I want to spite read it , but that's how I ended up read a Stephenie Meyer book and I'll never get over that .

Oh , Ramsay's head chef ?

I have only read Sean O'Neal snark excerpts from the book . Does she say this stuff out loud ? If so , they should really introduce a ball gag .

Yeah , but in fairness , we all have aids too .

Nice ! I never thought of that , you have made me very happy . Tangentially , I was always fascinated by the confessional . Such an intrinsically sexy idea but then they have to screw it up by having some uptight , old virgin being on the receiving end of all those whispered sins . But overall I kind of love…

No . I've been called a heathen by an angry , red faced woman in flip flops . I giggled at her and she stormed off of my porch . Thanks for trying though .

Ugh , is it weird that I'm jealous of excommunication ? I was raised in a Lutheran atmosphere , but never believed , and the most I got was a stern glare over my lack of faith . I just want to be called an apostate or a heretic once , damn it !

Not to disparage your future accomplishments but that should probably end up on your headstone .

Aww , that has got to be the sweetest comment ever published in a Savage Love thread .

Wait until your birthday , call her , and tearfully explain ALL the feelings you have for her . She'll find that irresistible .

That tingling in your nethers is the holy spirit !

I grew up with very religious people and so many of them got hitched essentially because they couldn't control their libido's long enough to really get to know each other . I don't personally give a shit about the sanctity of marriage but that seems rather a perverse reason to enter into the most holy of lifelong…