Rio Grande? What kind of talk is that? It's the Big River, and this is your last warning.

Idea for new post-inauguration title: "alleged person"

"My blog has something to tell you." "My blog does not judge."

So Special Agent Dale Cooper is Middle Eastern and the Pacific Northwest is now in the South?

"Puddin', I need you take out Nancy Kerrigan."

I'm sorry I called you a monologue memorizer. :(

I'm trying to figure out what Disney item they're referencing and drawing a blank…

I don't want Star Wars to be stunted by Disney execs OR become too much of an on-the-nose scolding in regards to current events. (But given that rebel forces fighting against totalitarianism has been the plot since the seventies, parallels are inevitable if you're gonna go cartoonishly evil with your politics. I'd…

The papers said Tom always played from the heart
He got some heart meds and some discounts from AARP.

Yeah, there must be a benign Arquette he could be instead.

I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt and peeked at the "evidence" too. Apparently having a white handkerchief is a secret code that you're a pedophile and performance artist Marina Abramovic is a witch? Like, a literal witch who communes with Satan as described years ago in Salem. It's a literal witch hunt.

I'm going to assume that line is better than any in the movie.

The most notable was his apparent belief that the president can simply order the imprisonment of political enemies (like Clinton). His team ran that switcharoo as him "deciding" to be merciful, but it wasn't his unilateral decision to make in the first place. He's also refusing to acknowledge that the presidency is…

This is definitely not the sort of thing Trump would know about the presidency, being demonstrably ignorant of its most basic functions. But he'll know now. Sad!

Domino's had an entire ad campaign based on the idea that they no longer taste like cardboard, but I can't say I tested this.

He was even mad at Oscar Isaac for having such luscious, beautiful hair:
https://www.youtube.com/wat…

Don't look in Jon's basement.
http://garfield.wikia.com/w…

Oh my God. I'll never hear "tiny dancer" or "Tony Danza" ever again.

I'm rooting for Moonlight. I thought parts of it were a little too "pat," but overall loved it.

I have to admit, the magic farting corpse movie still stands as my personal fav of the year. And the soundtrack is a stunner.