I picture him resigning (after declaring that America has been made great again)…and then running again in 2020, just to fuck with us.

You can tell him to go fuck himself right now on Twitter, and he'll probably read it…and might even respond to it. Which is a little astonishing.

1) You can't derive a critique of "the left" in general from Chelsea Handler's tweets. She doesn't represent "us" in any way. (Unlike, say, the way that Trump represents the people who voted for him.)

Sure, I agree with that. The point isn't that a popular leader like Bernie is needed for a "movement," but that a "movement" of some sort would have been a predictable result of his candidacy, given his personality and priorities. A non-evil version of the Tea Party, maybe. Something would have been better than…

Yup. The tragedy here is two-fold: Bernie could have won, and even if he lost, he would have helped lead a progressive movement to build leverage behind these "impossible" demands. Hillary's campaign left us completely empty-handed: no movement, just a bunch of depressed people who despise Trump and wish things had…

Good memory, but actually, I was thinking of a similar scene from Peep Show. ("What am I thinking of?" is not an easy game to win.)

There's a scene in a movie or TV show where a woman drunkenly rocks out to this stupid song, the joke being, only a shithead would like this song. (What am I thinking of? It's probably something obvious, but I can't think of it…damn it.)

Sure, why not? The game we're playing here is Meaningless Hypotheticals: we imagine unlikely scenarios, and then quake in fear over them, because who knows?

If I told you that I was 100% sure that a Syrian refugee was coming to kill you and your family, then you would have to admit, it would be crazy to let them into the country. (Am I 100% sure that that's true, or 10% sure, or 1% sure? That's beside the point. If! I said if…)

So the Syrian refugees are going to kill us with lightning strikes and heart disease? The situation is much graver than I thought.

You just blamed a man for blaming men. What about all the women who blame men? Why do you hate men so much?

I think the point is: if there's a remote possibility that X is true, then we should act as if X is definitely true.

I did this as a kid, for random shows. Not because I wanted to archive the material, but because I liked messing around with the tape recorder.

One time the cashier neglected to ring up the 40-lb. bag of cat litter I had in my shopping cart. Free cat litter! That was a good day.

Greatest in the sense of most fun to watch, or most effective at doing the job of starship captain? I think in both cases, Picard.

I'm surprised that I didn't know this already. I know every other goddamn thing about Maron from his podcast, e.g., what records he's buying, how his cats are doing, what he had for lunch, etc. etc.

When I played my first Hitman game, I didn't immediately get the idea of stealth. I'd just rampage with a machine gun, killing everything that moved. Then it clicked…no, that's not the way to do it. You're supposed to patiently watch the guards…when he turns the corner, you sneak through the door and steal the…

I used to love setting up ridiculously mismatched battles in Age of Empires and Empire Earth. Tanks vs. chariots, flame throwers vs. spears, etc.

I had a somewhat inconsistent ethical code with Skyrim. Some exploits seemed a little too cheap to take advantage of (there's an invisible glitchy chest somewhere that you can raid to get a zillion gold)…But on the other hand, I wasn't above pumping up my stats through cheap bastard tactics (firing arrows into my…

I sank about 80 hours into DS…to figure everything out myself, without walkthroughs or hints from nerds, I have no idea how long it would have taken. 500 hours? If that's the "right" way to do it, I'm sorry, but life's too short.