The real reason she is not attending is because of all the jews who will be there.

We have been waiting sooo long for you to join us. We … we … love you.

Ohhhh right … that whole peg leg thing. Kindly disregard.

Pro Tip: Cargo shorts are better than long pants for those living at sea.

SCIENCE?

Self awareness level = 0

When will she be suing Mommy in order to get her childhood back?

50 Shades of Clean.

Make Micheal Bay Great Again … so much win.

Back in my day we punched hippies, and it was good.

Woke 8 year olds > fire starting celebrity spawn.

I'm currently in season 4 and yes, really good.

Settle it in the octagon boys. Pay per view. Off-color commentary by Chris Brown.

Is the ability to set policy via tweets also available in the mobile version?

As long as the Soros checks keep clearing that is.

All those memes … I just … I just can't even.

Oh that wacky Shia!

They're all good dogs Bront.

Also, news of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

None of you seem to understand, I'm not locked up in here with you. You're locked up in here with me.