What killed me is I tried to get my dad to watch Breaking Bad, and he watched the first two seasons and lost interest. He said " Eh. There's to much going on and I can't follow it. " When I told him about Fargo, I told myself " If he doesn't like it, I'm going to hold a gun to his head and demand he tell me who my…

I'm not a gun owner though. I wouldn't have a gun in the house for fear of it being stolen, found by one of my nieces or nephews, or me getting liquored up and doing something stupid. The most responsible way I can practice gun safety is not to own a gun. I never felt that I needed one. If somebody breaks into my…

I once took a friend to a target range where you could rent and shoot pistols, and explained the number one rule was keeping the pistol pointed down range. Every time he would empty clip and do the goddamn reload you mentioned. After about the third time He did it I said " if you do that again, I'm leaving and I'm…

I used to like going to a local shooting supply store that had an indoor target range where you could rent just about any pistol under the sun, and even rent an MP5 or a HK full automatic sub machine gun. I enjoyed target shooting, but it really is an expensive hobby.
These days, between the mass shootings, gang…

I can dig it, but I've had a blast watching this season with my dad and him pointing out the different cars and clothing styles saying things like. " You see that Corvair? Remember how the guy who lived next door to your grand mom had one. " or " I swear to God, your uncle Joe had a coat just like that one! " It's…

The first time, it was an uncle showing off his 9mm Barretta to my other uncle in the back yard and as I came out the back door he leveled it at me, and laughed when I jumped back. The second time my cousins idiot friend was showing off his new Walther PPK, which is awesome because it's the gun James Bond uses, and…

My uncle had a brother in law who also worked a big research job for a major food company, who made about $200K a year. He probably spent about half of that on guns and survivalist gear, swearing the government was coming. This was about twenty years ago. I understand he died before Obama came into office, but can't…

I've had idiots point a gun at me three times in my life, thinking it was a funny joke, saying " Don't worry, it's not loaded! " I replied " If you're a gun owner who doesn't understand the most basic gun safety rule ' The gun is always loaded ', then you really shouldn't have a gun. "

The only reasonable argument I ever heard for needing an assault rifle for hunting was from a rancher in Arkansas. He said that roving packs of wild boar can be very vicious and destructive, and says that the only way they can be safely hunted is from a helicopter. I don't know if it's true or not, but the guy was…

This is good news. This will definitely help speed up the background check process:

To be fair, I think most people who are watching Barbara Walters: 10 Most Fascinating People don't understand what a lot of big words mean…

Seriously. I don't feel so bad about the magic marker dicks with arrows pointed at my mouth on my cheeks and Groucho brows my friends drew on.

I think it's funny that everyone I ever known who does is of a very low intelligence.

Why not just have someone ask him politely, " Um, Mr. Galactus sir? Would you please not eat our planet? There are plenty of other planets nearby that we're not using, could you please go eat one of them instead? " Sure, it might not work, but has anybody even tried?

I never got into E.R., but I would totally watch that episode.

Jesus. That's why if I get jury duty, I'll just say, " No I don't think I should be on the jury. I'm a heavy drinker with very poor judgement. "

Huh. Never knew it had a name. I'm glad those assheads never knew it, or my nickname would have been " Gossamer " which I'd have liked even less.

In grade and high school, my nicknames were all fat derivative, I.e Fatass, Fatbody, fat boy, etc. After high school, the guys I hung out with started calling me " Orange with Sneakers ", and for months wouldn't tell me what it meant. I later found it came from the old Bugs Bunny cartoon that had the big shaggy…

Could be they were cut from the same mold. The mold that unfortunately, never gets broken in Florida.

No, he's a balding, past his prime, shitkicking redneck from Florida