Butter that bacon, boy!

Cookies and cream if we're lucky….

Not often you get Tony Hancock references here, bravo.

And worst of all you can't go back to that coffee shop again.

There used to be a UK magazine called something like Advertising And Incentive Gifts, for all those branded gimmicks, geegaws and giveaways they shove at you at trade shows and the likes. The whole industry had a collective orgasm when the thumb drive came along.

An ex-girlfriend, who was working on a 'white goods' magazine was once offered a job on Potato News. The guy who offered it to her insisted 'It isn't as boring as it sounds'. It couldn't be.

I only buy it for the crossword puzzle. Granted most of the words are 'piss' 'pee', 'wee', 'urine' and 'widdle', it isn't very challenging and they're running out of different grids to drop them in. And every damn week there's a 'cryptic clue' and once you've seen 'Very expensive intervals of rain - 6,6' fifty times…

Ooooooo…. What is that? Want one, Now.

Dutch…… babies…..

It always amazed me that Jason Lee persisted with that frigging hairstyle, even when he was being regularly pilloried for it, Mind you, I once saw him interviewed and…. well, that put everything into perspective.

Actually I was aware that the auteur behind Alone In Ihe Dark, Bloodyrayne, Postal and Blubberella was not also a Nobel prize winning writer with a different christian name.

Orc And Mindy

Hotel didn't have any porn channels?

Ah, Robojox, as the original title was. That was to be the film that would have Charles Band hit the big time, but over a course of about three years every Cannes or MIFED the budget, originally $10m, gargantuan for Band at the time, got smaller and smaller, and the hope of getting 'star' names ebbed away, until we…

Shortbread, my Kryptonite. I never buy the stuff now, end up eating 3/4 of the packet before I'm fumbling for my door keys. Somebody gave me a box of 'luxury' all-butter shortbread a couple of Xmases ago. That's the sort of gift for which they want somebody murdered in return.

You'll be depriving yourself of one of Cate Blanchett's finest ever performances.

Who seems singularly lacking in self-awareness.

Ruthless Reviews, which I'm not even sure exists any more, used to review porn occasionally, and it was often hilarious.

Eight years, excluding Xmas and time at festivals, is a long time. There has to be a point where you just want to jack it in, no matter how much you like doing it.

'I would shed tears if I weren't already bathing in yours.' You actually typed that? You actually typed those words? Fuck me dead, you are just priceless. Big Game Of Thrones fan are we?