Not a real doctor.

If you spend your days in the decomposing interior of a North American White Oak, you're gonna ingest some tannin. It's okay to be bitter.

The decision tree is:

I'm going to interpret that as a deep-cut reference to The River's Edge.

Inevitably painful. Gotcha.

In my hometown, there's a public park. Kletsch Park. Across the street was a coffeeshop called Kletsch Perk. It went out of business.

"Check and mate, The Fates."

Born on Planet Globetrotter, left when he was 10.

Flashback. R.I.P. Prince over the AV Club newswire.

"They were so stiff, they were funky."

Even more broadly than that…never has the Info Age allowed more people to be raging armchair moralists.

"Radical? I say radical! I…I feel like I'm going to EXPLODE here!"

For awhile, all I could find were Prince covers of other people's songs…

"You don’t get to comment on the choices of a widower while you sit happily next to your own living spouse."

"You let a man slide today, you must immediately get inside somebody's ass when that happens to you. You pull the asshole open, step into the asshole, close the door behind you. Then you take a spray can right, spray Larry was here, wash me all that shit, fuck his whole asshole up. Get a snickers bar, paper, throw…

The Butthole Surfers did a fine live version.

—Howard Moon

At least Alex and his Droogs dressed up for their events.

You can't listen to Yakkity Sax in a dark room all day, Fry!

Strange. That band name reminds me of something.