This is one of the fucked up things about the 2010s.

Oh, right, YouTube!

I like this guy, he's a good actor, but all he ever does is mumble like Brando.

Way to expel the Turks from Vienna, Polish-man!

"Cigarette, prepare to be smoked!"

If you're saying is that this might be another media distortion, point taken. I wouldn't jump to actual conclusions without getting the real scoop.

(Pauses, considers, removes Megan Kelly rubber mask, stares at self in mirror wearing frilly bra and panties, giggles, sharts.)

This makes me die inside.

He's out in the park, playing 4D chess.

I'm wondering if the morph from "CHANGE IT" to "CAHNGET IT" is an intentional pun, or just bad spelling.

Anyone with any mathematics just loves that sort of intellectual daycare fingerpainting.

Invite a mohel, smoke a bowl.

(Angrily plows airplane into Dublin runway, which is covered for miles, 5 feet deep, with discarded empties.)

Hiphopalypto.

Look, if you're Jay-Z, just trying to get ahead, that elusive American dream of comfort and success just out of reach, worried about your medical bills, exhausted from working double shifts, you start to wonder what, or who, might be holding you back.

"Basically", is a fine word, which spices up any sentence.

In 2009, I was taking two classes, Differential Equations, and Multivariable Calculus. These subjects are tough. Especially because they're so useful that engineering students learn the techniques by rote, to use in their jobs, and math majors like me aren't given the background that imbues it with connection and…

(Band pauses, considers, launches into Phish set.)

Listen, I will NOT have you disparage the noble profession of teaching.

So did Elizabeth Wurtzel. It was just the fashion at the time.