Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Just who is this guy? I never ever heard of Ain Karmel before.

One time I shot morphine into my penis with a theremin. And I still don't know what a theremin actually is.

I mean, I'm sure John Denver was a nice guy and all, but naming a whole town after him? That's too much. We should petition them to rename the town Beefheart.

Seriously, this reminds me of the time Perry Farrell fucked up the guitars on One Hot Minute.

Is he addicted, too? Bummer.

Scar Tissue is a very fine book and I highly recommend it.

Seriously, I mean California is just the next state over. Why are they doing this in Utah?

No, this happened in California.

I suffer from songomnia. I've written and sung whole albums without remembering how it happened. Weird.

Sophia? Yeah, she had those untrimmed nose hairs but honestly it kind of turned me on. Funny story, it's because of her I now have this glass eye. I forget what happened. Pussy I think heroin. Where's my Grammy oh you have one two?

"…and then she reached into my chest and ripped my heart out!"- Ttan Arum

We snorted penicillin and fell asleep in the dumpster. I'll never forget whats-her-name.

The whole time I thought it was plugged in. But it wasn't plugged in. It was wiggling. It made that weird sound. But then I remembered, Hey, I forgot to plug it in. And when I looked down, it wasn't plugged in.

But be careful. Trojan may make condoms ribbed for her pleasure. But Russel Athletic's socks are ribbed for some reason that has nothing to do with her pleasure. I found this out the hard way.

Look, man. I've started bathing every month, OK? Go look it up. I pay the health department to keep a record. That was part of my settlement.

Look, man, I do the menstrating for both of us. So don't you judge herion.

Damn right! On her next birthday. In 2024.

Jesus, dude! You promised to keep that on the down-low. Not cool, dude.

Dude! That was you? Wild times!

Whoa, dude. There was nothing nearly-literal about it. I literally-literally had sex with California.