That YouTube series is just the best.

Being okay with continued harassment because he doesn't like her music is so much better.

Didn't you know that accused rapists are innocent until proven guilty in a court of law, but women who report rape are guilty of making a false accusation until they prove themselves innocent by getting the rapist convicted in a court of law? The presumption of innocence only applies to the rapist. That's like in the…

I've been calling him Diet Drogo.

At least Stephanie Meyer never took a giant, steaming dump on my childhood memories. I'm looking at you, Transformers and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

If anyone wants to records the giggles of Ron Funches and Nick Offerman with binaural microphones and then study how people respond when listening to said recording on headphones, I will be the first to sign up.

My dad loved that song. I went to a private high school, which was great and I was very lucky to do so in every way EXCEPT that it was a 45 minute drive from where I lived. There was no bus and nobody I could carpool with, so I was treated to at least two listens of "My Heart Will Go On" every school day for the two…

"Wonderful Christmastime" by Paul McCartney is a garbage song for garbage people, which is probably why my store played at least once an hour starting in late October.

I can related to both the endlessly repeating shitty music and the group cheer that cleverly disguised as a morale booster but in reality is a method of breaking your employees' wills. Retail is the woooooorst.

Pace can make or break a movie, and editing makes or breaks the pace. The first Hunger Games movie would have been decent popcorn fare, but nearly shot in the movie is one or two seconds too long. It's like trying to read a novel that ends every sentence in an ellipses.

For a long time I thought I hated Tom Hanks as an actor. It dawned on me just a year or two ago that I don't mind Hanks, I just despise Forrest Gump so much that the grudge had carried over to his other work no matter how good or bad.

Gollum discovered boobs.

Are there any German speakers here? I feel like there should be a word for the feeling you get when surrounded by people who understand just how awful Crash is, and German is likely the only language that can pull it off.

I had assumed that resin stuff was a set staple. I see it all the time at craft stores, for the people who like to keep their fake flower arrangements in vases full of fake water.

We'll just get the same stuff they serve in school lunches. I'm almost positive there's no dairy in it.

Excuse me. It's very important to squeeze three generations worth of pedigree into my dog's name. How else will people know how much money I shelled out for the stud fee?

Chocolate pudding. You get weight and general coffee color, but it's a lot less likely to splash. Plus, you know. PUDDING.

I will be judging comments based on whether they reference SNL or Hot Rod.

When I eat beans, I sit in my own little cloud. Nobody comes to visit me in my little cloud. I don't know why. Maybe it's cuz I'm cuttin' muffins.

I'm freaking pumped! I've been drinking green tea all goddamn day!