Paris Geller aside, this is not really a day to give a stuff about.

Y'know, if they want a story that combines family, catering, and organised crime, they could do worse than to make a series about the Glasgow Ice Cream Wars. https://en.wikipedia.org/wi…

Only if it's a parody of a recent blockbuster movie.

So, did you guys know Scream was back for a second season? Because clearly the AV Club was trying to forget, perhaps still traumatised from their attempts to review season one. Anyway, it's back, it's terrible, and for some reason I'm probably going to keep watching. Damn you, Netflix.

Definitely a scholar, but I heard a rumour he was banned from White's for cheating at billiards.

Deadpool made me sad, because watching it I knew I would never experience a love as true and perfect and full of ultraviolence as that between Wade and Vanessa.

I think we hyphenate. Colonel-Doctor, for that charming Soviet feel.

I pretty much never full-on cry, but there are loads of films that bring tears to my eyes - I'm just too manly to shed them. The easiest way to hit me is to show someone choosing to sacrifice their life for some kind of greater good.

Don't worry, I'm sure The Cute Little Babysitter gets creepy and weird within minutes of the opening credits.

How did I not know that Kaylee and Inara share a birthday? That seems like the sort of thing Firefly's worryingly obsessive fandom would have seized on years ago.

Other alternatives: Strumpet, painted Jezebel, shameless harlot.

While watching I thought the filmmakers meant us to hate him, right up until the end when he got away scot free with Helen and this was apparently a happy ending and he was the hero all along.

Penny Dreadful, as Josh Hartnett's evil wild west dad.

Not married with children? The slattern! I can only assume that Ms Reyes is no better than she should be.

Marilyn Monroe taught me that, despite my flawless manners, expert knowledge of which fork is used for which course, and habit of holding doors for people without even needing to be mind-whammied into doing so by a time-travelling psychic, I am no gentleman. Because I actually preferred Jane Russell.

I just have trouble believing that anything done by Timothy Olyphaunt could be less than perfect. He's just so dreamy, and hard to spell.

I'm probably not covering any new ground when I point out that all of the planes that were running out of fuel would have had back-up landing sites within reach, especially of a centrally located airport like Dulles.

This guy I know - and I mean a serious, perma-wedgied, nerd - once told me that not all of the hacking stuff in Live Free Or Die Hard is 100 per cent true-to-life accurate.

Sorry, that should read:

If I ever have to shoot somebody in the back, I'm going to call them an amateur first. I think it's important that they should know they're not getting paid for being murdered.