“Have you met I?” Clearly, the rules of grammar are the true losers here today!

My brother on Wednesday texted me a bunch of "Hillary for prison" photos. I replied, "I hope Trump doesn’t try to send her to prison, especially since ‘well, emails’ isn’t much of a charge.”

For at least a decade, one of my best friends had one go-to line whenever he wanted to wrap things up and leave a party or a dinner or whatever: “Gentlemen, let’s adjourn for a toast while we discuss B.A.’s alternative travel arrangements.”

"The Third Amendment states that you don't have to quarter troops inside your house. 'You troops are just going to have to sleep on the patio' is a perfectly constitutional thing for you to tell them."
—Dave Barry, Dave Barry Slept Here: A Sort of History of the United States

I still sometimes catch myself singing “Stone Hot,” “Crushin’ On You” and “Lemme Count The Ways (On My Six Fingers),” though.

Big Giant Head: “If you can't figure out a way to make Vicki Dubcek love me, I'll pull you off this mission and send you to Mars.”
Dick: “Oh, well, Mars isn’t so bad.”
BGH: “Not THAT Mars!”
Dick: “NOOOOOOOO!”

In 1996, somebody ASL’d me, and I told the truth — that I was a single guy, age 23, in Arkansas.

During the era when Spidey's suit was packed to the gills with electronics (Spider Tracers, that belt-buckle light that projected a Spider-Man face onto things), he had a device that linked up with the camera and signaled it to take a picture when he was within range.

Ctrl-F for "John Homer"

I got to see a Norm MacDonald show in Vegas a couple of weeks ago, and that got me thinking about his old SNL sketches. I remembered loving him in "Bike Messenger," but watching it now, I was dumbstruck to see that it's almost entirely built around Mike Myers. Even worse, Myers takes an idea that's only barely amusing…

They fixed my problem, which was apparently a chronic problem with that specific model (the exact model escapes me as I'm at work). Couldn't hurt to ask about yours, though!

My 9-year-old Samsung TV started clicking and taking a while to turn on in year 2, and by year 3 it would take a minute or more of cycling and clicking before an image and sound would appear. Samsung made the repairs to the capacitors, though I don’t think they’ve ever officially acknowledged a problem severe enough…

Per Bloom County in the 1980s, the restaurant should serve Rump Roast of Trump and maybe Chicken 'n' Trumplings: http://www.gocomics.com/blo…

"Here you have Megan Mullally, all right? Standing there, and I mean, good God, somebody's gotta hit that thing! I think that would be terrific."

There's a Burger King about a tenth of a mile from the 9/11 Memorial in New York, and I ate there before I toured the museum a couple of years back. It's honestly comforting to have something so familiar as a kind of last stop on the way to the site.

Ah, the Marvel Comics Super Heroes Role-Playing Game sourcebook:

"Dear Mr. Jesus" by PowerSource (feat. Sharon Batts, age 6)
"Summergirls" by Dino
"You Look At Me (Theme from 'Joanie Loves Chachi')" by Scott Baio and Erin Moran
"Shopping Spree," from the NBC made-for-television movie Goddess of Love, starring Vanna White

I always thought of the formula for Captain Planet like this:

This is as good a place as any to air one of my most trivial gripes ever: Having a theme song with the line “Bad guys who like to loot and plunder” and also having a villain named Looten Plunder always struck me as the height of laziness. It’s like if cartoon Spider-Man fought guys named Izzy Strong and Canny Swing.

It was definitely Los Angeles. 7-year-old me wondered why Ponch and Jon never teamed up with Enos; teenage me understood that it was easier to set Enos in Los Angeles because The Dukes of Hazzard already did most of its later-season filming on the Warner Bros. lot there.