Yeah, if he were REALLY reincarnated Jefferson AND were still opposed to the protesters, he would have:

I thought of this a lot during the whole “Democrats SAY they’re open to debate, but they UNANIMOUSLY opposed debating Obamacare!” that I heard a lot late last month. It’s like, if one side was saying “Let’s decide whether to attack you with a machete, or a chainsaw, or a gun followed by a knife” and their opponents…

Somehow my most vivid Laura Kightlinger memory is from Fox's short-lived Saturday Night Special, where she did a Dr. Laura parody as Dr. Kira from Planet of the Apes. People were calling in wanting relationship advice, and she never gave it because she was floored every single time a human had the ability to talk.…

Speaking of names, I can never remember the name of Lewandowski's wife. To me, they're just "Corey and her."

Since I can't find any other mention of the relevant NewsRadio episode: https://youtu.be/RTvaNbp6zeg

That IS mildly interesting, but I feel like a competent broadcaster would have made a note to himself, asked the question during the break, and then said, “Al, you were telling me during the break an interesting story about where the term ‘red zone’ came from.” It’s another thing to just derail a broadcast with what…

Somehow Miller was too smart for the job AND too stupid. He would drop references to the Battle of Verdun and Seward's purchase of Alaska, then ask for an explanation of why the red zone is called "the red zone." I kept waiting for "Why TWO points for a safety?"

I was bracing myself for the kidnapper to be the pretentious blond at the beginning of the movie (she orders TEA instead of COFFEE, you guys — in LOUISIANA), who got more and more aggravated at the failings of the restaurant (no steel-cut oats, no 2% milk) and finally snapped at waitress Karla (Halle Berry):

In one part of the chase when the kidnapper's car had a license plate, I found myself studying the numbers in case Karla finally FINALLY got to a phone and could just call it in. This study was almost immediately punished when the car got a different license plate during the chase.

A couple of months ago, a friend who knew I'd never been to a hibachi restaurant insisted on taking me to his favorite Japanese place. I ordered the Bento box and he said to me before the order arrived, "What IS a Bento box?" I was like, "Dude, YOU invited ME here"

Cherry Mello Yello is, to me, the same thing as Tahitian Treat.

From the Star Trek: The Next Generation Technical Manual:

I was expressing my disbelief to a guy a few months ago that Trump could come to my state (Arkansas), start rambling about how great Alabama football is — either because he forgot where he was, or he just didn't care — and still get almost twice as many votes as the state's former first lady.

Not to spoil War for the Planet of the Apes, but that movie got me thinking a LOT about Goldsman's scripts for Batman and Robin (with its clumsy introduction of the giant telescope) and Lost in Space (with its clumsy revelation that the alien spiders eat their wounded). The new Apes is SO much better in this regard…

Gumball: “OMG GOT 2 SL@V3 AWAY TKING OUT THE TRASH … SMH”
Darwin: “Dude, you spelt ‘trash’ right.”
Gumball: “Oh, yeah.” (TRA$H)
Darwin: "Add some little face things."
— The Amazing World of Gumball, “The Procrastinators”

An Adam West line on Family Guy that cracks me up every time is from the tale of Miles "Chatterbox" Musket: "He later died of a combination of tuberculosis and a tomahawk to the head."

Yeah, that was one of the things that was so infuriating to me about some conservatives' response to Jimmy Kimmel's "It shouldn't matter how much money you make" monologue about the surgery that saved his son's life — their rush to say "You're not thinking about this logically." The people who call estate taxes "death…

Warner Bros. could save a few bucks just by having Superman look all tortured in one scene and say "Red kryptonite…making…mustache…appear on face at random!"

Charlie Sheen, Randy Quaid, Chuck Woolery, a CGI-reanimated Norman Fell

I did absolutely none of the work on this comment, yet this is the thing in the history of this site that makes me most proud. Thank you. :)