“My family has a great future!” Tom Swifty said clandestinely. “Or was it a ‘grate’ future?” he added craftily.

For better or worse, my big memory of Bridge of Spies is at the end of the climactic prisoner exchange scene. Two 70-somethings a couple of rows back had spent much of the movie asking each other "What did he say?" or "Which one is that?", and as Tom Hanks walked away, one of the two in the theater leaned over to the…

On the other hand, It's Pat was just 77 minutes long, which might not qualify as feature-length, even if it was technically a feature. (I can imagine that somewhere in this country in late 1994 was a theater owner who thought he could double his profits with two screenings of It's Pat during the same amount of time as…

I'll also say "nightmare," but the punchline DID catch me off guard and make me laugh: "Oh, God, this is gross! No wonder Sam's Club was throwing it out!"

Years ago, Ed Asner tried to convince Conan that it needed to be "In the Year 2001" since that was when the new millennium would begin.

"Well, dragon names make more sense than THIS."

I got a Cougar Town notification for this?

Am I the only one who noticed that Threepio had his gold arm back at the end of the movie, when he was waving goodbye to Rey and Chewie and Artoo? I assumed it was Abrams' way of saying "Finn has been in a coma for days; it's not like Rey took off immediately without waiting, like, two hours for Finn to wake up."

Now I can't decide whether Trump is Leland McCauley (rich yet spiteful), a Daxamite (distrustful and intensely xenophobic) or Darkseid (someone capable of exploiting the xenophobes to remake the world in his image).

I've forgotten all manner of things from my childhood, but this bit from Out of Control has always stuck with me:

The Yars lived on three planets. You know that staticky field in the middle of the game screen? That was one of the three before the Qotile came along and vaporized it.

I loved his review of Big Trouble, the film adapted from the Dave Barry novel, in which he spends a lot of time considering which character in the movie is the Dave Barry figure. There's more to it than this, but here's how I remember his logic:

Back in 1999, during the get-to-know-you section of a company retreat in Arkansas, we all chose questions out of a hat, and my question was, "They are making an opposite-gender movie about your life. Who would play you?" I got creative with it and said it would be an epic biography with Lacey Chabert as a young me,…

Hey, you know what they say: Nothing ventured…

To Ray Romano's credit, he's very self-effacing about Mooseport; he's able to do the old "I watched two people walk out of that movie…and we were on a plane" joke about it.

Counterpoint: Some of us had mothers who wouldn't allow posters like that in their homes, so we had to wait until we were in our 30s and living a couple hundred miles away before we could get that Morgan Fairchild poster we'd wanted when we were 13.

What will become of the gun, and the wrench, and the candlestick?

And even 2009-10 is a lifetime ago in kids' entertainment, but DIsney repackaged that first season and ran it on ABC Saturday mornings that season. I think the promos all said something like "Rita Repulsa travels back in time to try to defeat the original Rangers," but all Disney did was change the opening credits,…

It makes Hud look like C.H.U.D., and I LOVED C.H.U.D.!

It was also the punchline (punchword?) from the Andrew Garfield episode: "This week New York state made cheerleading an official high school sport…Dad."