Fourteen. Fourteen covers. I don't even. What is this?

None of this makes any fucking sense whatsoever.

Fuck Boris de Pfeffel Johnson. His stints at The Times and the Daily Telegraph did a lot to paint the EU in a negative light and foster the anti-Europe stance of many in the country.

Fucking magical money trees and giving a billion pounds to a bunch of stond-cold crazies in Ireland. We're all fucked.

No. He's not "an absurdist fixture in British politics". We've actually got real problems to get on with in this country as we all get flushed down the toilet, and no-one gives a flying fuck about this joker except a bunch of wankers at Glastonbury.

No wait, it's that other thing. Tedious.

And that concludes tonight's shipping forecast.

"Sodden". Fucking brilliant word.

Yeah, no

But can a caress be anything other than tender?

"Tits McGee"

The fact that you call it that tells me you're not ready.

After the sopping comes the gushing.

Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru were pretty big on it.

As I recall, Bumblebee instantly transforms from a shitty Camaro into a brand new top-of-the-line model after scanning one. So the internal logic of the series means that Grimlock should be able to scan anything and then transform into it, and not just remain as an extinct animal.

His career hasn't exactly been setting the heather alight since then. He might not have wanted to play such an awful, rapey character.

I am what I wanna do!

Why should it be bizarre that a Chinese used car auction site is featured in this film? That's where this film is going to make most of its money. It's those tasteless assholes that keep this awful franchise going.

It's got Johnny Mundo in it so it's got to be good.

Nah, you're alright, mate. And enough of the fucking shitty ass Alien films too, while you're at it.