R. Kelly played the Fox Theatre in Detroit on New Year's Eve. I didn't go, but I hope he peed all over the crowd when the clock struck midnight.

Don't you die on me, mall! DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!

Was just now complaining in another thread.

*Spike Lee angrily gets shot by Aaron Burr*

Here's what has a steady stream of foul words coming out of my general direction: Are any other iPhone users having a shitty time viewing A. V. Club today? Site moving slow, comments partially cut off, that sort of shit? Because it's pissing me right the fuck off.

Edgar Alan Thicke?

Hugs are for closers.

Not at all. Do I come across as someone who's easily offended?

Ah, I see what we're doing now. My mistake. In that case:

"What the fuck's up, doc?"

Hey, montage creators, thanks a lot for letting us know what movies those clips are from. Goddamn shitbrain fucking cocksuckers.

I prefer the Baldwin line in "Glenngary Glen Ross."

How do you solve a problem like Diana?

Thanks as always for taking the time on these, Jay S. No show for me tonight; Detroit was pre-empted by that sniveling fuckshovel Rick Snyder and his State of the State Address.

Whenever the topic of Donald Trump comes up, I make it a point to correct people; he should always be referenced as WWE Hall of Famer Donald Trump.

I'll see your Two Corinthians and raise you Dos Equis.

They're waiting to see which combination tests highest with the focus group.

"Why CAN'T our new kinda-sorta Nancy Drew be transgendered? She's DIVERSE!"

And the more they describe it, diverse it sounds.

We are talking about CBS. Smart money says you are not wrong.