Sometimes I imagine the Internet as just some person's inner thoughts. Then I think how we probably need to kill that person.

I'm happy to know that most of my friends consider me to be unintrusive. They never tell me to my face but that's what their diaries say.

If I was banging a girl and got caught by her dad, I'd pretend I was a zombie and then eat his brains. I'd find a new girl to bang too because the other one would probably be upset.

I bet the guy who first came up with the idea of subtle humor was proud of himself, until someone kicked him in the balls and everyone laughed at him.