It makes me sad that James Woods is arguably the best-ever Simpsons guest star.

Colbert had the chance last year and he blew it.

3. I'm 17, my friends and I need a place we could hang out in until midnight, and the Wendy's dining room is closed.

Barry Allen, Barry Obama, Other-Barry from Archer, Barry Sanders, Barry White, Barry Manilow. There are many contexts.

I agree with your sentiments, but I also think there's some nuance here that's important to talk about.

When your show about a superhero speedster who can hop between multiple worlds is more realistic than your show about the possibility of a non-insane Republican you know you're in trouble.

"You're a loose cannon, Dr. Cop-Mom. I can't have you out there shooting drug dealers in the streets and giving out birth control pills to teenagers. Hand over your gun and prescribing pad!"

Apparently we've entered a new era of television where, instead of paying to watch shows we do like, they're making shows we hate and making us pay not to watch them.

My mom loved that movie because she said it reminded her of how her family acted. When I pointed out that her family is Irish-Italian, that she only has two siblings, and that they're all passive-aggressive instead of loud and argumentative she just kind of shrugged.

I know you're using a metaphor but only batting .500 would still make one comfortably the greatest hitter of all time.

Al has some standards, you know.

For a moment I thought this said SMURF and I was very aroused.

I will always upvote for Zooropa songs.

Four boobs > Two boobs

Sexual preference isn't a choice. Being violently racist is. Therein lies the difference.

Pelt them with Pepsi cans. Got it.

Go spend 5 minutes looking at photos from Saturday. Every one of these fucks has the physique of either John Goodman or DJ Qualls.

At last my long-standing opposition to polo shirts has been vindicated.

Fuck him with a jagged shard of glass. He said this out of pure self-interest.

I feel ya, man. Currently I'm going through a really rough patch myself so I know how hard it is just to get up and move through the day.