I'm seeing double! Four Jimmy Two Timeses!

I refuse to live in a world where Grosse Pointe Blank isn't the best movie of 1997. Admittedly it's a niche hill to die on.

You just described 1980s Clarence Clemons:

On a related note, can we please stop referring to white people as "Caucasian"? That name comes from a late 18th century academic paper by a guy who looked at one skull he found in Russia and that was enough for him to assume it was the basis for all white people. Said guy was also Extra Strength Racist and believed…

My uncle, a luxury car salesman in Florida, is a dead ringer for the Mooch. I bet he's free.

That's what my ex-wife said!

The new season of Louie will be set in a gritty, futuristic Los Angeles where, instead of performing comedy, Louie will work for the Tyrell corporation and hunt down replicants.

The giant inflatable Trump is actually filled with less hot air than the original.

Big McLargeHuge!

I'm actually just curious about your sex life.

Have you boned a lot of bodybuilders?

I don't doubt that he put the time in and had access to elite level coaches and nutritionists. But unless he's an Olympic-level freak of nature he's still a 49 year old man with the testosterone levels of a 49-year old man. As a result I find it very hard to believe that he put on that much muscle mass (and so little…

Would you be comfortable with Mike O'Malley standing nearby and narrating your hookup with Josh Brolin?

I fully admit that I'm jealous. But he's also clearly using steroids which is a form of cheating so my snark is at least somewhat warranted.

The irony about steroids is that they make you better looking and thus make more people want to have sex with you, but the actual sex part is probably not great due to the whole shrunken penis and low libido thing.

Booze + Dirty Whores = Frank Reynolds

Has Alien Jesus been revealed as Red Foreman?

The only question is whether it's going to air on Lifetime or Pornhub.

A special FUCK THIS SHIT to my right knee, which continues to be damaged. Last week I thought I'd re-aggravated my IT band, which would be several months of recovery but at least would be non-surgical, but my doctor now thinks I damaged the cartilage transplant I had a year ago. If that's true it's another surgery…

They were Japanese, so seppuku seems more likely.