Son of Zorn was ok. It was just on the wrong network. Maybe more of an FXX kinda thing. Tim Meadows was the best part of the show, which maybe isn't really saying all that much.

Nicole, seriously……just shut up. you're out of your element. You don't even know how to clap like a human, please, honey-baby, don't even think about going in a kitchen.

If I'm not forced to watch an arty film in a small, dirty theatre with other losers like me, it doesn't deserve to be shown at Cannes. Now, hurry up with my damn croissant.

"I've just made a deal with the Empire that will keep me on FXX forever."

Lock her up. That hair is a menace.

Did you see how Harrison Ford actually tried to run? (1:41) That's more than anyone could have rationally expected.

Damnit. It was. But I felt like an asshole for doing it, so I changed it. And now I've been caught in my web of lies.

Pfff, I wish my art looked like this. I guess I better cut back to part-time.

My weekend was good, thanks for asking.

What's the deal with blowjobs anyway? You're not paid to move air.

That's right U…Kraine…(brushes shoulder) I am Dangerous.

Trump has had a dozen missiles locked on Yosemite since Day 1. It's not so much the Park service making fun of his inauguration that pisses him off, it's the fact people can enjoy the outdoors somewhere other than a shitty golf course that really rubs him the wrong way.

"Sir, will you tell us about the cartels you dealt with in your time as a crack cocaine dealer?"

Electronic Diesel Music. Finally.

Johnnny Depp and Josh Gad? Can it be Murder(s) on the Orient Express?

Ok Computer, time to Lift off.

They didn't have white onions because of the war….all you could get were the big yellow ones.

Winning a (Ms.) Cleo isn't something that happens every day. Congratulations.

I'll be screening this as a double feature with black and white Mad Max: Fury Road at my house* - you're all invited!**

My cat's breath smells like cat food