Yep.

Also—and everybody stay calm as I say this—this is also true of 4 to 7% of your same-sex friends . . .

Yes. And it's been said before: Young ladies, do you have a friend-who-is-a-boy-but-not- your-boyfriend? Are you not absolutely sure he's gay? Then rest assured: He wants to do you. Just take it as a given. The sun rises and sets, the tide comes in and goes out and your 'platonic' male friend wants to have sex with…

"You've been a very bad girl and I'm afraid I'll have to peen-alize you," said the stern soccer coach.

Sure having group sex with just three European supermodels was nice and all, but when Ms. Jovovich arrived, she provided that much-needed fifth element.

Please, please, PLEASE do not break your streak of appearing at least momentarily naked in every film you're in Ms. Jovovovovovovovich.

irritating, nonsensical earworms like Aqua’s “Barbie Girl”

Hey! Listen!

Today I Am a Commenter!

I suppose on the plus side, anything that diminishes the userbase for the commenting system used by the just-to-the-Right-of-Atilla commentariat on The Atlantic is a good thing.

A.V. Club: You won't ever find a more wretched hive, etc, etc, etc.

Or single football shoulder pads to spray-paint and festoon with spikes for your post-apocalyptic wasteland atrocity-armor?

The universe will collapse in on itself, and not a moment too soon, let me tell you…

I have this fantasy where I work at a bikini waxing place, except that I'm secretly bringing the place down from the inside, telling the women who come in, "Naw, girl you look gorgeous down there. Save the rainforest, know what I'm sayin'?!"

There's a hurricane booth full of razor blades over there, if you don't want to wait.

…in a mansuit!

subthreading

Is there a chance the track could bend?

Do they even sell them individually?

IT'S A COMMENTING SYSTEM FOR A COOKBOOK!!1!