Oh honey, I made some jelly sandwiches and sliced up some cantaloupe. I figured you could eat a little food and then maybe play with your cock and balls for awhile. But don't hurt yourself with that big juicy hog of yours!

This is the first comment I've made on this here site in about 15 years (old account), but I had to say that the Colonel's comment epitomizes why I've devoted far too many hours of my life to the AV Club. Come for the articles, stay for the comments.