It was a compromise with his boss. He didn't want to DJ with his hairnet on and lose all his street-cred.

Those could have been anyone's balls. You can't prove that was you.

No Donkey sauce™, no deal.

"There he is. There's my African-American."

Now educational tv is a fucking joke. A few weekends ago during the "educational" tv block on some major network, I stumbled on a show that was basically CSI for kids. They were a crack team of postal inspectors solving mail fraud. I have no idea what they were trying to teach kids other than maybe to not steal…

I think you have some fresh ideas and I like what I'm seeing. Submit a treatment to my office by Wednesday and we'll have lunch. I want to be in the "Pope Francis" business!

I think you nailed it. I now remember it was a Funk & Wagnalls set. Or part of one at any rate.

This is way more involved than I was expecting. When do we fight with our monster balls?

Of course they're not real. It's a game.

The Body Shamer? Glas Seeling aka The Obstructor?

I was so sure that there must have been an amazing section on "spaceships" that I was missing out on. That would have been the best part!

Do you only accept ass? I was operating under the assumption that gas or grass would also be acceptable forms of payment.

Damn helicopter parents are ruining this generation.

SPOILERS!!

My parents signed up for a service where you'd get a new volume every couple of weeks or something and you'd get billed in installments. For some reason or another, my parents angrily cancelled the service when we were only at "M". I read them all and was bitter that I wouldn't be able to see how it ended.

He made them banh mi? I feel like just saying the words "banh mi" would cause the other kids to beat on him harder.

How appropriate is it for little kids? I've got a 7 year old that's a huge fan of the originals. Although I want to see it, I don't want to have to pay to see it twice.

Shhh….don't worry about that now. Just count backwards from ten and let the anesthesia wash over you.

Does this mean my hard-boiled movie about a racist detective with yuge hair and tiny hands is going to get pulled out of theaters if the Trumpocalypse happens?

As part of the American film-going public, i am not ready to cast any stones just yet.