That thing looks so dark, right?

He'll be scraddling for a long time looking for a brick & mortar bookstore. He'd better just Prime Now that thing.

Oh, it's no wig. It's an elaborately constructed coiffure covering his entire head. It's not even a comb-over. It's more complex than that. He makes his forelocks out of it. Have you ever seen him in the wind? It's remarkable. A wig would look better. And be less pathetic.

Yeah, also, they have "requests" but only requests of top 20 sh*t they'd play anyways. Who calls in to request a song that gets played in heavy rotation anyway? "It's been 20 minutes since I heard [whatever is popular now, I don't even know] I better request it! "Hi can you please play the number one song in America?…

My cousin as a toddler loved what he called "big music", rock, but also learned his own version of American Pie while still in diapers. He made passable interpretations of the words. So cute. Now, he's into EDM. Sigh. 20-year-olds. I know my taste in music is pretty much the same as it was when I was in college15…

Was it extremely popular at late-90's formals for anyone else? Every single one, they played Brown-Eyed Girl, whether there was a live band or a DJ.

"Bless your heart" = "eff you" in the South. Said with a smile, maybe a shake of the head.