Because freedom of speech means no one can criticize you for the stupid things you say.

They're hoping that life will be discovered on other planets just so they have something new to discriminate against.

[Horse gallops up street, rider dismounts to deliver latest dispatches from Fox]

I was going to use that one, but then I felt it was too soon after the loss of Bill Paxton.

Is the proper plural form Kenneth Branaghs or Kenneths Branagh?

He had already changed his last name from Fudge to Katz after the Keebler company threatened legal action.

10,000 chickens, but how many turkeys? If only there were someone with the ability to estimate the number of turkeys that would fit into a given space.

Are the stains from his tears genuine?

Only buy locally-sourced, artisanal filthy pants.

I'm setting fire to my pants right now. I should take them off first.

It's called prestige pricing, I believe. A fancy way to describe separating stupid people from their money.

Ha! I posted about this earlier on the story about clear pants. Finally, a reliable source for stories about pants.

Another victim of the Carter administration.

You also need to work harder at not getting cancer, just like you should have put more effort into being born into wealth.

They also had a program to make us confuse Tom Bosley with the character named Bosley on Charlie's Angels. The bastards!

On a related note, I happened to see this story about faux-filthy jeans earlier today:

I can't believe I haven't heard of it, either. One day last year I was flipping through the channels and found a film with Willem Dafoe where his character was supposed to track down and capture a Tasmanian tiger. I had also never heard of that one.

Throw in some Timecop and it will be perfect!

It's Italian for "box of rags." Soon to be available at your local hardware store or home center.

Dueling Einsteins? So it's like Looper?