I don't give two shits about "the last word." I give two shits about being asked to accept arguments that wouldn't hold water in a middle-school debate club.

-Peepaw's Mobile Device Chaperone, probably

Yes, because them apples look EXACTLY the same.

So why try to do better, I guess.

Some of us really don't like the idea of someone so thin-skinned, impulsive, and petty being in charge of the country.

"isn't afraid to fight back" =/= "jumps at any chance to indulge his inner tween"

Maybe the camera caught her in the onset of a stress-induced stroke?

"enigmatic sense of wholesome mayham"

November made me realize what a sucker I apparently am for thinking that being a halfway decent person actually matters when you're running a country.

Not likely. There's no way his lil paws could handle that monstrosity of a controller.

Nobody likes a public johnson.

"More announcements TK"

Using your inside voice?

It's just so artless and hamfisted. Reminds me of the sort of people who get satisfaction from thinking that if you identify as Christian, you must be a judgemental asshole, or a molestation apologist, or both.

"he’s a particularly delightful brand of asshole who thinks he deserves everything while everyone else deserves nothing, which is a roundabout way of saying that he’s a Republican politician."

So, wait … are you from Scotland or Alabama?

And run the projector!

WIT

Pre-order corpse? Is that Amazon Prime's newest perk?

*Spike Lee angrily tweets Jon Stewart's address*