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The Narrator
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I want to know what this is, but I also don't, because it probably doesn't entail Ewan McGregor gushing blood out of his anus.

Also, Barry Jenkins just seems like the nicest, coolest guy living.

Barry Jenkins just posted a photo of him, Frank Ocean, and Isabelle Huppert together at the Met Gala, and I am now dead, because my heart has exploded.

Matt Zoller Seitz is coming to your house with a battering ram as we speak.

So there's a rumor that Soderbergh's wife and former E! personality Jules Asner is the actual writer of Logan Lucky (the script is credited to "Rebecca Blunt", who has no other credits, no online presence, and no recognition at all within the industry).

It has a D+ Cinemascore, so it's not looking good.

It's so weird that Ponsoldt, who excels at semi-naturalistic conversations, decided to make a movie whose point is to bluntly state its position on technology today.

Is there a way to stuff the Academy ballot box so Laura Dern is definitely made Academy president?

I have. It was very good.

I assume you'll finally get to name this one "Godzooky".

Hey guys, Paul Thomas Anderson is as good at making music videos as he is at making movies. I'm sure this is news to you all.

It's directed by Reed Morano, who's a really good new cinematographer (she's shot the first season of Looking, Shut Up and Play the Hits, and the "Sandcastles" section of Lemonade). Those are all my thoughts.

It's his bookshelf ghost!

I hope he gets Newton Howard back for this. I actually thought the guy who scored Split did a good job, but nothing compares to what Newton Howard did for the Shyamalan movies (Unbreakable and The Village are two of my very favorite scores of all time).

I loved Split, I love Unbreakable even more, and I'm down with every one of these actors reprising their characters (especially Taylor-Joy, who I thought wasn't a given for the sequel but who, based on the wording of one of Shyamalan's tweets, may even train under David Dunn in this). I just hope Shyamalan manages to

Honestly, I worry Shyamalan won't go far enough with this. If this movie doesn't end with Ivy Walker defeating the bad guy with a shotgun and a quip about not seeing his color, I will start a riot.