Wait a minute - isn't the actress supposed to fire the agent, not the other way around?

Right. Many of our illustrious founding fathers owned slaves, even as they were crafting their famous "all men are created equal" lines.

Of course not, but if you want to be a successful, money-making comedian, you need at least a Master's degree.

OK, we can let the crucifixion thing go, but I'm not forgiving them for what they did to my dick.

Because even though they're southern, they weren't fried.

Diddy will get off when he proves in court he's incapable of lifting a kettlebell.

You get to stick your hands in cement in front of the Chinese theater. No cement comes with a star on the Walk of Fame

Always remember: you're unique, just like everybody else.

A half century ago, the artist Corita Kent described the Virgin Mary as, "the juciest tomato of them all."

I suppose it depends on which country.

This train is bound for glory. . . hole!

Bob Dylan wrote it. It's about taking drugs.

Right on! Just like Ted Turner fixed so many bland movies by adding color.

Oh, those zany Duggars! What hijinks will they come up with next?

The real reason is she's too tall for James Spader, but no one wants to dump the inferiority complex on him.

Base on accusations by Janice Dickinson and at least 39 other women, most of whom are not seeking gain, and only want the world to know there's a predator out there who needs to be held accountable.

Listen to everything Cosby and his attorney have said, and NOT ONCE do they outright deny the allegations. It's all doubletalk and incoherent ramblings.

And I thought ABC leaned on the mute button to improve the performance. . .

Wait a minute - Rihanna isn't that boy in the Batman comics??

Dang! I hate it when you get all worked up over an execution and it gets pulled at the last minute. You know they're gonna do the same shit with Tsarnaev.