I’m also very fond of my tubal ligation.  This way, I don’t have to trust any man with my fertility, especially if I were single and wanting to “tom cat” around.

This is hilarious.  How the fuck do they think she GOT PREGNANT?

I once had sex with my partner while he was rocking a no-pants-tshirt-only Winnie-the-Pooh look, so he may register NO complaints in this department.

Well, from the perspective of an older woman with no fucks to give - if you like Docs with floaty dresses...HAVE AT IT!!!  Wear what you like and what makes you happy and screw fashion or anyone else.

not if that shit is a watermelon 

“Give me your pampered, your wealthy,
Your huddled yacht owners yearning to breathe free,
the fortunate refuse of your gleaming seashore mansions.
Send these, the multi-homed, diamond jeweled-tost to me,
I lift my lamp for only the rich to enter the golden door!”

A million years ago, airports and airlines handled security. They still had standards, but because their focus was not political, they were much more efficient than the TSA. Most of what the TSA does is absolutely useless. When they were first formed, other countries laughed at the US because the processes were so…

Jobs lost? Think about the millions of hours of productivity lost by the passengers who have to spend extra hours standing in line to get their junk groped. 

Or who automates this in the first place. The idea that a decision in any direction being made on a 6-figure financial instrument wouldn’t have human oversight is insane. That they would actually enter foreclosure proceedings without a competent human being providing verification and oversight is more damning than the…

If I walked in to a Wells Fargo with a fake gun and stole $1,000, I would go to jail for 20 years. These motherfuckers stole people’s homes and ruined their lives. They need to go to jail and Wells Fargo needs to be obliterated.

How many mulligans do you get before we just burn the whole thing down?

We’ve got to be fast approaching the apathy/pitchforks and torches crossover point on the chart.

Make those fuckers buy homes for the victims, lock stock and barrel.  They should never have to make another payment in their lives.

Little tip for you: brevity is the soul of wit. So, instead of a 3000 word screed, you could say “I am a vile cunt” and get the same point across.

A rule that I’ve managed to live by fairly consistently is: No logos. At least, no logos that I had to pay for. I’m not saying that my endorsement is worth paying money for, but if you want me to advertise your company or business across the front of my chest the least you can do is provide the t-shirt gratis. I’m not…

The bombshell, for me, in Hollandsworth’s meticulous reporting is the discovery that water parks in the US are not closely regulated.

Team naked Momoa 

I will join you in the curmudgeon-ness. People don’t need to be camping out on the beach. With the amount of shit some people bring you’d think they are going off into the wilderness for a whole damn month. 

If only there were a way to make sure it was the umbrella-bringers who deservedly get impaled instead of innocent bystanders. Beach needs: towel, sunscreen, water, reading material. Go home if you’ve had too much sun. (Yes. I’m a beach curmudgeon who is tired of people bringing their whole houses and making it…

There was a very popular ‘clothing optional’ beach in the city where I used to live, but I would say that maybe 25-30% max were actually nude. Most people would go there (including me) because the other nearby beaches had so. many. kids. and way more cops. Both dogs and drinking were technically against the rules, so…

Ugh, I wish beaches would just ban umbrellas already. I was at the beach a few weekends ago and nearly half a dozen umbrellas went flying during the few hours I was there (luckily no one got hit). If you can’t set it up properly you shouldn’t be allowed to use it!