I may have been cheated on once, but the guy had a smallish dick that he couldn't keep up and he inevitably left me for a girl eleven years his junior who ... how can I put this diplomatically ... looked and dressed like Grimace on his way to a warehouse rave.

I love everything about this woman, including the incredible love story that was her marriage. Some quotes surrounding that:

I may be older than her but I'm still young so

Listen everyone,

I hear you on the Greyjoy thing. I struggled to get through those chapters in the last couple of books (I started skimming the Pike chapters, tbh) and won't be sad if they're absent from the series. In theory, I should love the Greyjoys, et al, due to their Viking- and pirate-like nature but they all bored me.

"It's 'Oh my god! You're a ski-racer' or 'You help the animals.'"

I'm still hoping Warren will run.

But did he mention me?

are you sure his parents aren't Bostonians who named their kid "Cooper"?

I've got multiple gmail tabs pulled up, you tell me where to send it and I'm slamming the keyboard so hard I'll have to reboot the computer.

I'd just go full Kanye all the damn time with these assholes.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You do not mess with a lady from Galveston.

While not a single person, I think the collective of Vichy France, leaders and citizens alike deserve to be remembered for their part in the horrors of WWII.

My best friend's twin brother's wedding was the business. The bride's family is how do you say.......very Clampett from the Beverly Hillbillies. Simple country folk that did very well in real estate. We are at a 5 star resort and in the lobby after the rehearsal dinner, the sister of the bride BEAT THE SHIT out of…

Not my wedding but my mom's. My dear sweet grandmother (mom's side) was not happy that her ex husband (my mom's dad) brought a floozie to the wedding. They had divorced due to his philandering ways. From what I was told my 5 foot 1 inch grandma proceeded to grab said floozie and help her out of the reception. She did…

Just imagine if all black athletes refused to play for racist fans, owners and institutions. Just about every major sports league would crumble to the ground and we might finally have found our solution to ending racism.

Yeah I just bought one of the Early 2014 Macbooks even though I knew this announcement was coming. Bought a bunch of MBP for work last year too, Late 2014 model and in both cases...they're fine. A decent number of ports, the Pro ran like a horse and so...yeah, I'd say the upgrade is worth it. My ex-gf was in the same…

You can still get the old design Macbook Air or the Macbook Pro. They're not going anywhere. Indeed, both of them were also updated today.

"I'm sorry, we didn't order a chopped salad on burnt bread."