I was a little perv. I made my GI Joe's into Barbie's boy toys and made them carry her purse and clean her house.

I have a dog that is some kind of terrier mix, so in addition to his love for eating shit, he hoovers whatever is on the floor. My vacuum cleaner is broken, but it's okay. The big pieces just seem to disappear after an evening of intense carpet snorkeling.

I was given contradictory messages about my leadership style from upper management, and it drove me nuts. As a female supervisor, I had to keep my distance because being friendly with a male subordinate meant I was fucking him. I didn't need work friends, I needed team mates. I guess it's about boundaries, I really…

Lol, KNOPE!

Yeah, I had to listen to that refrain constantly. Either I was a bitch or a pushover, so I chose bitch. It was exhausting maintaining that though.

When I made rank in the military and started running a shift, it was sheer hell. There was a guy on day shift (same rank) who came in every morning and read my log notes and criticized my decisions line by line. Every. Morning. My boss just let him do it. So much for empowerment. It turned me off of supervision for a…

Sorry to hijack but OMG GOCSB I HAVE MISSED YOU

Yes, and it bears repeating as well :)

Yes, the toothbrush massages will be a part of the package. Hope you like sonic vibration, baby. Oh wait, you said gentle.

I know, it's just easier to identify the stupid ones. The smart bigots are the scary ones, they are the ones who hide their hate behind a veneer of civility.

What about the adorable paw thing and the period crying thing? Because I can overlook size for tiny paw pats.

OH MY GOD I GOT TO PLAY WITH A CAPUCHIN MONKEY. Some rich folks at the place I used to work had one as a pet. She crawled all over me and hooted softly while trying to hijack my jewelry. I would have given it to her because of her monkey powers, but her human mom intervened. I called my boyfriend at the time screaming…

I no. It maid me larf.

One can only hope. With Oprah on our side, anything is possible, even literate bigots.

How small are you? If you are small enough to fit in my pocket and pat me with your adorable tiny paws when I'm period crying, I'm sure I can find an opening.

But then it would do that little head dip and you would shred the report without looking. It's okay, we've all been there. Being robbed blind by small monkeys is kind of my jam.

How could you? Being exposed to cuteness short circuits the logic portion of your brain. It's a scientific fact.

He looks just like my cow colored kitty, only my kitty has a heart shaped spot on his side.