OH MY GOD I GOT TO PLAY WITH A CAPUCHIN MONKEY. Some rich folks at the place I used to work had one as a pet. She crawled all over me and hooted softly while trying to hijack my jewelry. I would have given it to her because of her monkey powers, but her human mom intervened. I called my boyfriend at the time screaming…

I no. It maid me larf.

One can only hope. With Oprah on our side, anything is possible, even literate bigots.

How small are you? If you are small enough to fit in my pocket and pat me with your adorable tiny paws when I'm period crying, I'm sure I can find an opening.

But then it would do that little head dip and you would shred the report without looking. It's okay, we've all been there. Being robbed blind by small monkeys is kind of my jam.

How could you? Being exposed to cuteness short circuits the logic portion of your brain. It's a scientific fact.

He looks just like my cow colored kitty, only my kitty has a heart shaped spot on his side.

That made my mommy senses tingle. What do you need to stop being sad, baby? A bottle? A hug? Me to sniff your sweet baby head?

That is a face of unfathomable sadness and torment. Being denied a Doritos Locos taco and garnering an ass beating has scarred this man's soul.

Oh, my bad. Then let us join hands and see if we can wear down his will with our words of sincere and not at all exaggerated kindness.

Trying to one up me, huh? *sniff*

Oh Mark, you are noble and virile and your rod is potent.

Some people don't have the means to travel. Maybe she couldn't drive and was terrified to fly. Lots of reason why folks don't venture outside of their territories very often. It's heartwarming, but sad that it comes at the end when she can't push her toes in the sand.

By the way Mark, can I fawn all over you in a obvious manner in order to get followed by Jez? Because you are the smartest, handsomest man ever.

I'm going to live to be at least 100, the women in my family are long lived. I am looking forward to the time when I can finally say all the mean and nasty things that I long to say now, but don't currently have old age as an excuse. I'm percolating my meaness and it is going to be a delicious cup of sheer rotten old…

Yes, but I still would. But my standards are low when it's close to that time of the month.

You beat me to it :( I read his entry on her after I read the article here. He seems to be holding up okay, but he's probably drinking two buck chuck while sobbing into his pillow shaped like Anderson Cooper.

Someone better check on Michael K over at Dlisted, he will be devastated at the loss of his favorite royal. She seemed like a completely spoiled bitch, but I can't hate. I'm only jealous.

I'm sorry, did I call you names or imply you were stupid? I was laughing at your fearmongering quip, then stated that fearmongering wasn't the only issue with American politics. I have good reason to fear the direction the country is going in general, mostly because my family and I are directly affected every time…