Anyone who has ever bought a car can tell you that is a terrible idea. Amateurs.

Suuuuuure. I mean, I toooootally wasn't judging you. At all.

Now there is a creepy twist I didn't think about.

Beat me to it sister. I've got my one good eye on you. The other is eyeballing those delicious Subway sandwiches from that sad little birthday shindig.

No, they were forbidden from kissing, holding hands, doing a full on hug or any physical contact before marriage. Clearly fundamentalists are forgetting the value of the "try before you buy" axiom.

*ugh* Jeez Kirk, that was just creepy. I can get saving sex for marriage, but not kissing? That's dirty too? I've lost track of what a good christian is supposed to do, mostly because I'm a great big whore that kisses AND screws (sometimes on the first date *gasp*).

I'm more excited by Chris Hardwick. He is so nerdy and hot, he makes my pocket protector melt into a moist pile of goo.

Oh, and I forgot to add that you are sufficiently impressive to me. Everyone puts on a smile in public but most are secretly miserable, even the rich ones. Buy something fabulous and bring a flask. You may surprise yourself by having fun.

I didn't go because even though I had traveled the world and done wonderful things, I was also overweight at that time and living with my abusive ex husband. I felt ashamed of myself. Now, I don't want to mingle with those people. Everyone is so caught up on appearances and who lives in the biggest house and takes the…

"Turgid member" made me crow with delight.

I kind of chuckled and I'm sorry, but I do understand. My oldest son and I frequently go to movies together and go to dinner and we get mistaken for a couple all of the time. I can't imagine what is going through their heads, as my son is 21 and very attractive (great genetics *ahem*) and I am obviously much older.

Don't listen to those insidious whispers that work to keep you there. Fear of the unknown is so overwhelming, that we would rather live in pain because it is what we are familiar with and can at least partially predict. Those feelings you have are valid, but understand that they do pass. You don't have to map out your…

*rubs eyes* Is that Jesus Christ, tap dancing on a cracker?

Does extra hell come with a side of super sloppy cheese fries? Asking for a friend.

A-motherfuckin-men. I've got the nails, but you will have to wield the hammer. I've got wicked carpal tunnel.

You dodged a bullet my friend, a bullet made of bad taste.

I..I..think I am now pregnant with your Jeff Dunham hate baby because your comment caused me to ovulate.

Oh shit, how could I forget? YASSS! I loved that sassy old hag. Or Shari and Lambchop, man that was one little subversive lamb.

*full body shudder* Seriously, the doll looks like he may be suffering from a skin eating bacteria, like maybe it had sex with a leprosy tainted armadillo or something.