I, for one, welcome our new radioactive hamster overlords. 

I have family members like that— they firmly believe that all of their success/good health/ability to avoid bad things in life is due to “wanting it enough”, and not any combination of luck, good connections, etc.

There’s also this misconception that health-wise, anyone who wasn’t very ill from infancy is therefore…

However, I think we can be certain that, unlike Voldemort, he does not use a journal as one of his horcruxes. 

It’s truly shameless. Now those 400,000 people on Instagram who liked his video are at risk of contracting the coronavirus. 

Right? Where’d they buy it, the same place Eric Andre buys his desks?

If he was being formal he would have used the term we use for all visiting dignitaries and diplomatic missions. He would have opened sentence with cunt.

Formal? That’s gonna cause a little confusion. Better call ya Bruce, just ta be on the safe side. 

“I’m running out of family to put horcruxes in.”

Will I be able to follow it if I haven’t yet seen 62, 63, and 64? 

Why do you have to be so insulting like that? Its absolutely beyond rude. Why would you be so mean to Nagini!

Cain himself was a survivor of colon cancer, which technically put him into this “underlying conditions” category.

If the anti-abortion people were actually about reducing abortions, they would be all for sex ed and access to contraceptives. The fact that they hate those things even more than abortion shows what it’s actually about:

Oh my god, I was wrong / It was 2020 all along

as always, thank you John Oliver for not only sharing my rage at the shitshow that is America 2020 and confirming that I’m not going insane (yet), but expressing that rage far more eloquently than I ever could. Watching that fucker Kudlow talk about the pandemic in the past tense still angers me beyond words.

I don’t think it’s possible to understand something as ridiculous as a TERF FART.

It’s weird how people seem to forget they are private property.

I guess Alaska is the right place to find a snowflake. White and melts easily.

These dismissive attitudes towards transgender people, and transgender women in particular, go back at least to the 1970s. I am certainly oversimplifying the issue but the problem for this group of radical feminists is that the very existence of transgender women undermines the argument that all women everywhere are…

She should look into it briefly then and find out that doesn’t happen, except when doctors try to 'fix' healthy intersex children. 

Good thing literally no doctors do that, you dumb shit.