I refer to this kind of behavior of publicly and ill-advisedly airing concerns regarding your estranged adult children with as voighting. But if he keeps it up, I’m going to start referring to it as markling.

I’m not feeling it. I would rather just have the cash. 

“I always doffed my fedora and said ‘m’lady’ when a lady entered the room. But only for a lady, not for some whore.”

To me that’s a clear indication he has a terrible fucking attitude about women. I see this sometimes in online dating profiles “I don’t want a lady who swears” or “I want a woman who knows how to act like a lady” - Oh so you want someone polite and submissive who is essentially a real life Disney Princess? Go fuck…

I’ve never understood that one. If a woman had a problem with me swearing, she would fucking tell me herself.

While nurse sharks are docile for the most part, they’re still sharks. The only shark I’d be comfortable swimming near would be a whale shark. And even then, I’m not getting close.

Fun Fact: sharks, like dogs, usually use their mouths to grab things. So they’ll often bite something just to taste it and see what it is, and don’t intend anything aggressive or hostile with it. #cuddletimewithsharks

Can’t we just call them what they are - Instagram users, not models. It like how everyone is a porn star without there ever being a porn actress.

How about sex without any genitalia involvement. Just a complex sequence of secret handshakes between partners?

They should make one called the “Dick Hardener”. It would be great for all the heavyset, middle-aged rocker dudes who could use a little help.

I turn 37 in a few months, I guess I better start looking at walkers and walk-in bathtubs.

“Tell them that they can be directed to Jeffrey Tambor, Jared Leto, and Felicity Huffman’s reps for comment.”

So funny because I read the dirt bag headline about JD being accidentally posted undressing and I was like, “what thirst did Eiza post now?” and boom. And yes she looks amazing but eyeroll at that caption and also fuck you, Eliza. Like, even though she looks amazing and she’s allowed to have body insecurities but come…

I would bet my paycheque that this particular waitress conned all her coworkers into doing her sidework, dicked around on her tables, and spent her time flirting in the kitchen. The fact that she bitched to their manager is sign enough for me.

Jordan Peele could read the bible completely straight faced for twenty four hours and I’d watch it.

Oh hey! Johnny! Ex-big-fan here. I have some insight about what you’ve done to deserve all this:

Also, there’s no such thing as being in a relationship, where somebody couldn’t compose something that said ‘I felt threatened.’

Remember that this is a woman who lied with a straight face that she wasn’t aware that Norway was full of white people....

There’s no excuse for them not to be screamed out of every public space in DC. Start printing flyers with their faces and NOT WELCOME written below.

They can apply for entry into these restaurants, but they’ll be separated from their meals until the paperwork has been accepted.