*pants*

Force... my bad.

Body is all clogged up with bones. Sad!

Honestly now is the best time for this guy’s long-awaited comeback. With more and more regulations getting eradicated by the new administration in the White House, Tiger can finally get surgery to replace most of his bones with golf clubs. In a lot of ways, burdensome bone regulations are the thing that has been…

I had a customer come in to buy an H2 as a tow rig for his toy trailer. He arrived in a yellow 550 with his son (about 11- or 12-year-old)

Guess they finally tapped out the whole lucrative “fat people who frequent amusement parks” demo

We could border the safe zones with red lines. If Assad crossed those red lines, he’d be sorry.

“We had to stop production of the Dart because it was selling so many models that we couldn’t keep up with demand and it wasn’t fair for other car companies.”

Alternative Fact: Felix Hernandez was on the 2000 Yankees.

wait...what? I just want to make sure Im hearing what I think: you think we had a nuclear inventory when we dropped fat man and little boy?

On the other hand, I’m ramping up for production of my healing elixir distilled from boiled rattlesnake heads. Look for my ads on Breitbart and Gateway Pundit’s websites. Making America great again thanks to President Trump!

Dear “President” Trump,

A voice in my head while watching them “dance,” “I’m watching a reality show directed by Stanley Kubrick. I’m terrified!”

Russia makes statement designed to erode trust in American institutions

When I put a can of Hamm’s, a rusted 20lb dumbbell, 16 bags of beef jerky (plain), and a pair of sturdy cargo shorts I bought on sale at Kohl’s into a 1992 Ford Ranger with 210k miles on it and parked that thing in the blazing hot sun I never knew the child I created in that hot fusion cell would be born as a fully…

Can’t wait for Curt’s inevitable confirmation as head memer of the US Department of Truthiness.

Excuse me but what does this have to do with military news?

But it feels so real, you know? And that’s what’s important.

I was trying to woo this guy and so I wanted to take him up the California coast. For this trip my car needed tires and I didn’t have time, so I rented a Dodge Charger V6.