On the other hand, I’m ramping up for production of my healing elixir distilled from boiled rattlesnake heads. Look for my ads on Breitbart and Gateway Pundit’s websites. Making America great again thanks to President Trump!

Dear “President” Trump,

A voice in my head while watching them “dance,” “I’m watching a reality show directed by Stanley Kubrick. I’m terrified!”

Russia makes statement designed to erode trust in American institutions

When I put a can of Hamm’s, a rusted 20lb dumbbell, 16 bags of beef jerky (plain), and a pair of sturdy cargo shorts I bought on sale at Kohl’s into a 1992 Ford Ranger with 210k miles on it and parked that thing in the blazing hot sun I never knew the child I created in that hot fusion cell would be born as a fully…

Can’t wait for Curt’s inevitable confirmation as head memer of the US Department of Truthiness.

Excuse me but what does this have to do with military news?

But it feels so real, you know? And that’s what’s important.

I would feel bad for you but I totally get why high school girls are turning down a 60 year old’s prom invitation.

Less go shake der hans

+1 thinkfluencer

(drinks Capri-Sun pack filled with human blood)

When Maureen Dowd asked Peter Thiel why Cirque de Soleil performers had been hired to build the new arena, he replied dryly, “I would ask you, why wouldn’t they build the arena? We need to move past this ancient idea that buildings should be built by people who know how to build buildings. Let acrobats take a stab at…

What are you talking about- 1950s tech? My JK has BLUETOOTH ! Not that I can get it to work. But it’s there. I think.

Right? Snakebite somewhere in Utah if you were lucky.

Kids these days are so soft. Back in my day, you weren’t done in Oregon until you died of dysentery.

Dana White already offered her $10mil to fight Mayweather.

Good thing Evnika can box, as she just lost her job to Russia’s newest technological breakthrough, the ax.

I was trying to woo this guy and so I wanted to take him up the California coast. For this trip my car needed tires and I didn’t have time, so I rented a Dodge Charger V6.