Tragic news coming on the heels of Burt Reynolds’ passing. The two iconic American mustaches — one gone, the other fading. America may never recover.

Not dying on stage can be bad too. GG Allin always swore he’d commit suicide on stage someday, but instead died of an unintentional heroin overdose. He cheated his fans and he cheated himself. Tragic.

Russian trolls are all-in for Elizabeth in 2020, just as we were for Bernie and Jill in 2016! Sorry about that Donald thing, but it was a regrettable necessity after Bernie’s defeat. Putting Hillary Clinton in the White House would have been a death sentence for American progressivism. We couldn’t allow that. For…

Like all trolls, Devo surely knew they were doomed to be misunderstood and vilified in their day. It’s not until many years later, when your detractors have obtained universal healthcare, that they begin to comprehend your plans and see you as a friend who was compelled by tactical considerations to play the villain.

Let us all watch The Star Wars Holiday Special tonight in Marty’s honor.

American progressives must realize that there comes a time when one’s self-respect requires a willingness to draw a line in the sand and say “this far, and no further!” And you must mean it when you say it. Otherwise you will continue to be the Democratic Party’s bitch for eternity. We Russian trolls keep telling you…

It’s just standard concern trolling. I personally enjoy concern trolling unsavory characters such as the Republican Party, but I would never derive pleasure from subjecting my American progressive friends to concern trolling, unlike Tom Perez, who seems to have a real taste for it. As with most Democratic Party apparat…

Accept this justice as a gift on my daughter’s wedding day.

Martha even found a way to make prison charmingly quaint. She went away for selling stock on an insider tip to avoid a $45,000 loss — which in the context of today’s nakedly lawless plutocracy feels only slightly more sinister than jaywalking.

Puerto Rico needs a strong foreign ally. That’s the only thing that Americans respect.

America will always need the guiding hand of behind-the-scenes operators who know uncoolness when they see it.  Such was Gary Kurtz.

Maybe red will become the new teal. We can only hope. When this plague of teal movies finally ends, everyone will wonder how we all tolerated it for so long.

Of course it’s tedious. That’s how desensitization works. Russian govt. talking points can’t become normal background noise until they become boring.

We Russian trolls deserve a Pulitzer Prize for exposing the Democratic Party’s rigging of its presidential primary on behalf of Hillary Clinton.

Leave no trace — except for a massive carbon footprint in the Earth’s atmosphere.

Perhaps President Trump had in mind the recent volcanic eruptions in Hawaii — which were among the wettest we’ve ever seen from the standpoint of lava.

There are many liquids other than water. Trump could have just said the storm was wet, but then you Democrats would criticize him for not specifying which liquid caused the wetness.

Kathleen Hanna has betrayed every progressive value she once professed to hold dear, as evidenced by her shameful complicity with Hillary Clinton’s 2016 campaign. We Russian trolls abhor her lack of principles. We remain steadfastly committed to promoting progressive American politicians like Bernie Sanders and Jill…

Probably would have been a good idea for American liberals to demand comprehensive surveillance reform after the Snowden revelations. Unfortunately MSNBC-watching liberals were uninterested, largely because they regarded Snowden as a traitor who had embarrassed Great Progressive Leader Barack Obama.  America is such a …