only if his name was Jake?

Get that one through your antediluvian brain pan, Quetzlcoatl...

the nut on the bus goes pound pound pound

Hard to believe the Panthers are undefeated at 3-1.

Dodgers games: 99.9% apathetic fair-weather-fans who just go to games to take an Instagram pic, 0.1% maniacal knife-wielding gang members who want to literally murder you.

Some athletes make such an impact that just a jersey number can make you think of them. Every time I see the number 99, I think Gretzky. A 4 makes me think of Brett Favre. Yaz when I see an 8. 32 Is Magic Johnson. 33 is Bird. Michael Jordan when I see 23. I know I will think of O.J. every time I see the number…

No, no, no: there was a misunderstanding when people overheard him saying “I’m your daddy.”

Are you... are you defending the 76ers?

“I never see anybody on TV.”

Ben Roethlisberger introduced the players’ three choices

Boy I don’t think I’d have the presence of mind to actually sell that the way he did

If anything the Bills should have been penalized five yards for being too slow.

As an addendum, Russell Wilson released a personal statement on the matter:

actual teams, like the Cleveland Browns

Seriously, how does this kid look 14 and 45 years old at the same time? He looks like Doogie Howser and William H. Macy are trying to exist in the same body.

These fucking millennials should be happy to have a free education.