Basketball should get rid of foul shooting altogether and just replace it with a penalty box, like in hockey.

Haven't met too many Yankee fans have you?

The Lakers delegation is expected to include... representatives from Time Warner cable, who will sell Howard on TV opportunities.

Dwight Howard also wants a swimming pool filled with Skittles.

Whew I thought I might go the rest of my life before hearing another Yakov Smirnov reference.

Deadspin's complete and total infatuation with Bill Simmons is peculiar and troubling.

What an unfortunate time and place to play a round of "Shout Out the Popes!"

I don't think you lied to her. She may have a broader definition of "hooker" than you do, but as far as you're concerned, you should be fine so long as you don't stick your penis in someone. THAT is "No hookers". "No hookers" is not, "Well, two chicks came to the room and scissored in front of us." Sure, your…

I'm not sure how this works since it's the off-season. Does Hernandez have to clear waivers or can he sign with the Bills from jail?

Well, I guess it's too late to complain about introducing the Cup to someone who whines uncontrollably and shits the bed at inopportune times.

Geez. Don't even tell me about this story until I've had my Dick.

It's true that Wang has been the harder on his opponents than most, but Dickey won't just pack it in and then go soft either. Furthermore, when it comes to the rotation, since Johnson has been inserted, the hopes for a better climax this year than last have been improved greatly.

YOU RECORDED GAME 6 OF THE FINALS IN WHICH THE TEAM YOU SUPPOSEDLY ROOT FOR WAS PLAYING.

The worst thing is, Sam didn't think the sunset was going to come, so he left the beach early before it ended

That beeping you heard was fans frantically trying to get out of the parking garage in the third quarter.

NOW THAT YOU MENTION IT...

It almost looks like that guys skate is the blue circle thingy. Has anyone ever made an issue of that?

They might as well have played "Don't Stop Believin"

You can always tell who tried to return Grantland Quarterly and were told "all sales final."

Words escape me as I try to describe how much I loved this essay.