A couple years ago, the internet lied to me about when the last train back to the Chicago from the suburbs was, and I got stranded. The manager of the bar and grill I was at offered to drive me to the still operating train station nearby after the bar closed. Instead, he called a cab and took me to a motel. NOPE. I…

UPDATE: On my last 2 plane trips (landed 2 hours ago), I planned and ate very very carefully in the 24 hours before flying, and it worked: no gas! I just had to avoid, you know, most foods. But I was more comfortable and the people around me were probably a little happier too. Just do some googling and eat…

OKAY. This is insanity. Let's all just agree to this:

I saw what you did there. I think getitout is just a little too attacked right now to see the subtle humor. Don't take it personally; it was a cute joke.
We have to return to fighting the farty fight now.
My PMSing is making me feel like I'm actually on a plane right now... ugh.

I'm right there with you, babe. I come from a very gassy family. We have issues. I don't fly often, so my gut is always like, "WHAT THE HELL??" I felt horrible about it the first 2 times, then realized I couldn't stop it, and am now trying to eat certain foods, but I'm not sure that will help. Let's let our fart flags…

I have to say, your name is really hilarious in the context of this discussion.

And about that "Go to the bathroom" thing, I get where you're coming from, but I can't got to the bathroom literally every 2 minutes. Literally. I'M NOT DOING IT ON PURPOSE. I hate it. But it can't be stopped. My gut is different from your gut. It's just like that. I'm sorry, but it is what it is.

NOPE. Not possible. Believe me, if I could stop it, I would. But something about the decompression/compression madness does certain things to some of us. Personally, it makes me swell like a balloon. It didn't do this to me as a kid, and now that I know that I get "Air Gas", I'm looking into things like Beano or…

I'm so disturbed by the fact that my first thought was,"This seems too unreal to be true," and my SECOND thought was, "Oh wait, this has happened to me multiple times."
Some part of my brain has come to believe that society's and the internet's versions of truth and reality are more reliable than my own observations…

Forget the pockets, I went bigger. We were only supposed to have turtles or fish in our dorms, but I was really depressed and needed someone; Billy Bones the rat, bastard that he was, really helped me. My favorite thing was to put him in the hood of my sweatshirt, walk down the hall, and then ask someone if they could…

Oh goodie. I was all giddy about this slide, but not I hate everything about everything that's ever happened ever. Whyyyy

I would have giggled insanely and then passed out. I've from Ohio, so I've never really gotten to be around celebrities or learn to be cool about it. I go "deer in the headlights" each time. I'm so jealous!

Thank you for a great new idea of how to keep my cat entertained! She gets so damn restless. Genius!!

All I know is, I can't believe I haven't heard the word "anecdata" before, and I am stealing the hell out of it.

I'm gonna guess that what she means is that they are expecting her to be fully-functional and self-sufficient, while she may not actually be capable. She may be, but I don't know. But I mean, I don't really feel like I'm those things myself; having kids? Terrifying! If this woman is incapable of taking care of a…

I meant she EMOTIONALLY couldn't do anything else, but thanks for that horrific mental image. I'm now wondering what the can-collecting hobos in my neighborhood have seen over the years, and also recalling the purse-snatching in Infinite Jest.

This shouldn't be important, but I'd like to point out that they said it was a miscarriage from the day before. She wasn't secreting it out from anywhere, she was keeping it. So shut up, she's obviously severely disturbed.

Why was it in her bag from the day before?? Oh god. She couldn't throw it in the trash, or bury it, or put it in the freezer, so she was carrying it?? Is that what it was?? I CAN'T. Was it wrapped in a blanket?? A plastic bag?? I really, really need to stop thinking about this, but I can't.

I'm sorry, but it sounds like you're on your way to a breakup. I wrote a couple things on Jez about things my ex did that drove me nuts, and that's what they said to me and they were right. I get the feeling that you kinda know it in the back of your mind, but it's just such a huge thing to deal with. Sounds like…

First and foremost, YES, DELETE THE LINK TO THOSE PICTURES. #2, we close with a link where we can buy here nipple clamps?? What is going on???