I would just like to add that according to my niece, who is a new TSA officer, sex toys in carry-on luggage look just like bombs on the x-ray. Put them in checked baggage in order to avoid embarassing your family.

When I have visitors from out of town, I walk them through the McGill University campus where we’ll sit down on a park bench. Then I remind them that they can put on their CV that they were “offered a chair at McGill.”

“Your not to bright” could be the new “Get a brain morans.”

Africa is not a state, silly. It’s a country!

Part of his legacy among the drivers is the Trickle Rule: divide the distance of the race by 100, that’s how many hours of sleep you need the night before the race.

My dad would get asteroids after he ate Mexican food . . .

“They accused the nail industry of focusing their attention on paying living wages and the wage bond:”

This Bostonian in Montreal will trade ya for a Mahz Bah.

Dude is like 7 feet tall. No one wanted to sit behind him, that’s all.

Foaming, exploding pig poop would be the better metaphor.

When the Feds banned protruding hood ornaments, they said “if we can save one life, it will have been worthwhile.”

In ‘Murica, toilet paper was democratized with the annual Sears Roebuck catalog delivery.

Counterpoint:

Just googled Pamelyn so there could be no mistake — I remember seeing her on “The Dating Game” when I was a lad.

He’ll definitely be needing a plant manager, and probably a branch manager too.

In Massachusetts they actually rushed through a similar provision when they busted an upskirt creep on the subway and couldn’t convict him of a crime. The legislature amended the law the day after he skated.

I definitely wasn’t referring to a possible defense, and hope to hell it doesn’t happen — it’s just that the thought of police on steroids should scare the hell out of all of us.

Has anyone mentioned ‘roid rage? No one who’s not a world-class trained athlete benches 600 on their own.

Nah, not Nome. “Juneau,” he said.

“Hey this “smart juice” taste like rabbit piss!”