No, you are being willfully obtuse. What you have outlined is not allowed, and there is no difference. If the mother goes back to work after two months and dad stays home the rest of the time, that means that the parents, as a couple, forfeit the third month of the mother’s time. In this case, she would be the…

Yay! I am really happy to hear that. The first man I ever knew who took a real paternity leave was a young professor, so it doesn’t surprise me to hear that. I hope it really does mark an overall shift, though, and not just in higher economic/more highly educated classes.

Have you thought about freelancing? That's what I've been doing for now while I get my german up to speed. Hopefully once I have a work history and better German, I'll be able to get a more permanent job. I mean, it doesn't help with all of the degrees and certificates and shit, but still.

Been there; done that. It was balls! Especially because one of my jobs was teaching, so lots of extra work on top.

Mini jobs, grrrr. I just want to work fulltime, and I feel like only mini jobs are available.

I love that I see lots of German dads pushing prams during the day. I feel like you never see that in the states, unless there is a mom nearby.

Yeah, germans cry about daycare costing about 200€ /month, in an economy with a lot of expendenble income. I try really hard to not laugh hysterically because a parent can have a mini job (which pays 450€ permonth in hand, has few benefits but is tax free and you work just a few hours a day or so) AND pay for…

Crazy thing about countries like Sweden is that they DO provide generous family leave for exactly those reasons. Also sick leave. Also health insurance. Also actual weekends and vacation time. These things typically all go hand-in-hand.

k.

That's actually a really good point, and not often talked about. It not just about baby-bonding time, but family-bonding time. I'm pretty excited because if my husband is working the same job when we have kids as he has now, I think he'll really be able to take a lot of parental time (and I think he'll want to).

Jesus Christ, no. No. When someone has paid parental leave they do not make more money than at their normal job. Someone who chooses to NOT take their parental leave is not losing money. It’s like...you don’t understand how salaries work and also you don't understand how paid leave works...or something?

Yup. My husband is EU and it was kind of a no brainer. Like, is life frustrating and hard sometimes? Yeah, definitely, but at home I was working two jobs (one of which I fucking hated) and was still almost in the red every month. We’re doing fucking great here, and we won’t be totally fucked when we decide to have…

No, that’s not true. There is a combined total time of 16 months of parental leave available between the two parents. If the non-primary parent (usually dad) chooses not to use the three months, the total time is reduced to 13 months; in other words, mom can’t use dad’s months, but dad isn’t forced to use his months.…

The last one I worked at had really high turnover, including me, but it was only because I moved kind of suddenly. I would have probably continued working there and would have moved up if I had stuck around. It did seem like the established employees were pretty tight.

You could always claim that your dad was a US soldier. There are a lot of Germans out there with Anglo family names...

Ooo, I forged my mom’s signature so many times as a kid. Especially music practice sheets. also permission slips.

Dude, I'm super sorry. I hope you have a less stressful job now. I completely believe that it doesn't get better as you move up.

I worked for awhile at a telephone survey call center. We had to give names when we called to establish credibility, since we worked on a lot of government contracts, but they didn’t have to be our actual names (we did need to stick with the same few names, though, and they had to be in our record). So, I had an alias…

My ex’s sister is adopted, and to my knowledge she still has not been told—and she’s already out of college. I only found out from my mom, who was told by my ex’s mom when she was inquiring about family history during some pretty serious illness. Mom assumed that if this wacky lady told HER, then I surely knew. I did…

I had to give surveys for awhile as a second job to make rent, and it was fucking miserable. SO fucking miserable. Nothing is more aggravating than being on question 35 of 37, especially if the person is being a pain in the ass, and then deciding they can’t finish it. It feels like such a waste of time. I had one of…