I think they reduced Big Ben's suspension after he raped that girl, and I think Brandon Marshall

I guess you could say his suspension is... Aldon.

When asked about Washington's offense, quoth the raven, "Neverscore."

Given the team in question, I thought for sure it would be one of these:

Well... When you play with 12 men and make a big deal about it, you're probably gonna get penalized... Jackasses

You'll never make it in the greeting card biz, kid

Bieber is a bad Canadian joke.

"I get to box today? Looks like Boxing Day came early!"

I always knew Floyd Mayweather beat women.

FIFY.

If you want to make your pizza "resonate" with Millenials, make it reasonably affordable and not taste like shit. It's pretty simple.

honest-to-goodness, gritty, get up and pull yourself up by your bootstraps character

Yes, because the penalty for stupid should be death, right?

"...you don't listen to Chris Brown because he punched his girlfriend for giving him a STD?"

Why aren't you people embarrassed that you know the lyrics to a Chris Brown song?

Captain America 2 is one of the best superhero movies ever. So I really hope Iron Man just has a bit part in this, because I'd hate for Cap's third film to turn into Cap V Iron Man: Dawn of Cross-Marketing. Let Cap stand on his own, let him tell his own story. Frankly, I'd much prefer if they wrapped up this Infinity…

Marvel has to be the most ambitious sonofbitches in the industry. That said LET THIS BE REAL.

Multiple variant covers. Definitely multiple variant covers; that alone might have contributed most to the eventual and never-to-fully-recover-from crash of the industry because of over-zealous collectors and over-eager marketing decisions. Greed: Fucking up America since July 4th, 1776.

How is he supposed to win the Hardcore title without bringing a referee with him?

Its the rednecks with no teeth, massive beer bellies, accents so thick you need subtitles, and general lack of IQ that prevent NASCAR from being taken seriously.