Huh boy. This should be fun.

Yeah, um, no.

I have to call Dish network tomorrow and cancel my satellite (wife's orders, and I'm fine with it too). Anybody with experience know the best excuse to do this quickly? I have the entire day blocked off for it.

Have some krokodil, then you won't care about the difference.

Yeah, racism is a thing of the past, and we're on sound economic footing now. My theory is, we're all idiots, but doing the best we can. Now, go away - baitin'!

As the Russians said during the Soviet era, "we pretend to work, and they pretend to pay us". And there was always enough methylated spirits, jet fuel, or shoe polish remover to drink. Or real vodka, which was subsidized, booze being the opiate of the masses apparently. Given all that, the lifespan of Russians is…

Because we have it all correct now! Paleo diet will save your life! Doctors HATE this one weird trick! #5 will SHOCK you!

My uncle was a John Bircher, basically the Tea Party of the '50s and '60s. When we were cleaning out our barn, we found some awesome books. One was called "Marxist Minstrels", where the Beatles and other groups were shown as being Communist. The best part though, was the cover: A red cover (naturally) with, instead of…

I read a story where he was introduced to this young girl on the stage of one of his series (must have been Dragnet) He was very nice to her, but she said the most notable thing about him was that he smelled like hair oil and stale cigarettes. My dad and all my uncles smelled like that. If you were lucky, you'd get an…

Yeah, you were out of the gate a little early with that one.

Be sure to sandbag for a few games, then "care to make it interesting?"

Yes, IIRC that beer was banned because native Americans rightly thought it was horrible.

We called the Mickey's 40 ouncers torpedoes. Love me a Mickey's torpedo - they don't get as nasty when you get to the bottom. I knew two guys from college who are near death now, literally, from drinking (well one, Phil Tiger, already died), who drank Steel Reserve, so it's kind of known as the last stage beer for me.

And a 21-year-old college student isn't going to spend five bucks for a large bottle of a Double Stout IPA. Basically, whatever gives the biggest buzz.

We could get a case of Lucky Lager for six bucks (three bucks a twelve-pack), those 11 ounce bottles that had the rebuses on the cap.

I thought Michelob and Killian's Red were imports during that time. Tricky, you beer guys of the '80s.

Yep, there was Country Club, Olde English, Colt 45 and Champale when you wanted to class it up.

"Well, of course you save money when you coordinate the contractors yourself!" - my mom, who no longer mentions this part of her life

Is that a gummi bear in your pocket, or are you just unhappy to see me?

I know where you got that last line from, but to me they're like eating minty chemicals. Even bad chocolate is still tasty, but processed mint flavor…not so much. Red Vines are inedible, I wish they had some 'real' black liquorice at the vending.