Am I the only one who looks at the Detroit-Dallas game and sees this?

I never thought his BAC would be higher than his BAA.

Nice to see I'm not the only one who can't figure out how the hell to make a proper Excel chart.

No. Soccer ruins soccer.

@Hit Bull Win Steak: Or Thursday night.

@Imelda_the_Hun: That should come in orange.

@Trot Nixons Hat: Duke University's lacrosse playbook, on the other hand, requires a discreetly-billed $9.95/month subscription.

@NorwoodIsMyHero: "But see, is it unreasonable to note that in Roethlisberger you have a much longer sustained trend of stupid behavior?"

@Maloik: Each Patriots victory comes with a 2-year supply of WAAAAAAAH.

@Holden Jawsealed: Him and Jordan Chase...

Pfft. T. Herman Zweibel was super-flously hyphenating words when Montgomery Burns was still in short-pants.

"What did the five fingers say to the face?"

@waverly: I'm guessing the latter. It's one thing to be an asshole in the locker room, but Moss is the opposite. Everywhere he goes, his teammates love him (or so I hear). A well-liked malcontent is much more dangerous to team stability than a douchebag is.

@Peckair: Because no one wants to drop $4 million and a roster spot on a perennial team cancer/coach killer? I'm not even sure the Patriots should take him back, and he's made it abundantly clear he'd play hard for them. He's not going to play hard for a bad team, and any contender who would claim him at this point…

@BruschisBrewsky: I'd take him back in a heartbeat. I think the biggest question is whether they can sign him without triggering a tampering investigation or some other Spygate-esque ugliness. I have no doubt he'll clear waivers at this point.

@kiddicus_maximus: Given that the one on the left looks like she would gnaw your arm off for a bedtime snack, I would hope you could tell them apart.

@DoubtedBeef: Grown men who are happy with themselves don't define their lives in terms of how many used baseballs they can beg for.

Since when do they serve Sam Summer at Fenway? I've been pissing money away on nasty $7.50 Bud Lights for years now.

Kotaku is that way. Although given that site's readership, it might be more appropriate to explore Valentine's Day tie-ins with Jergen's, Kleenex, Jack Daniel's and Smith & Wesson.